Jane Says
by Brandywine421
Summary: Rating for language. Introspective piece after the Heartbreak.
1. One

AN: I keep hearing this song on the radio, like daily, so it must be speaking to me. So I'll ignore what's it's saying to me and put it in fanfic instead. This was intended to be a one-shot introspective piece but I can't write anything short so I apologize in advance. This will probably have a second part to come later (maybe after tonight's episode). Hopefully I handled the first-person POV ok, let me know what you think. 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the OC or its characters. I don't own Jane's Addiction either.

"…Jane says-  
She's never been in love-  
No, she don't know what it is-  
Only knows if someone wants her…  
I wonder it they want me…  
I only know if they want me…"

--Jane's Addiction  


I stared at the ceiling of the poolhouse. No one was up in the main house, unless Sandy had left early to go surfing. It wasn't even dawn yet. I hadn't slept a full night in weeks. Oliver seemed to be haunting my dreams. Not Oliver as much as Marissa. All the things that went wrong. It seemed like everything was going wrong. I should be used to it, things always go wrong in my life, my life defined the idea of wrong. No matter what I did, how hard I tried, I always made the wrong choice.

Marissa seemed like the right choice. She was a goddess. I'd never seen anyone like her. Even in a place as ethereal as Newport, she was a step above. Something about her had called out to me. I was drawn to her. Maybe it was because she was so much like my mother. I should have given up as soon as I saw the similarities. Her need for someone to depend on. The way she took my love for granted. I think I loved her, anyway. I really tried. I was committed to her, I would have done anything for her and I nearly lost everything trying to protect her. I walked away from the Harbor school twice for her, once to help her escape from the hospital and again when I jumped Oliver. I smiled. At least I got a few good punches in on that crazy bastard. Anyway. She didn't care about any of that. She didn't care that I almost lost the Cohens, the place I live, because of her. She's so selfish that I can't even think about it without getting strung out. When her life came crashing down around her, she still had a place to go, two parents that wanted her. She'll never understand what it's like to be unwanted. What it's like to be nothing to anyone. Marissa is simply too much for me to handle. She doesn't love me. She's not what I wanted her to be. She's wrong. No matter how much I want her to be right, she's wrong. 

And now Theresa. She was right, once. Well, a couple of times. We had a lot of fun. A lot of fights too. We were always hot and cold. When we were on, it was magic. When my mom was on one of her binges last summer, we cut summer school and stayed in bed for two days. We didn't need food, the marijuana and each other's bodies kept us occupied. Those were nice days. Hazy, but nice. Two days later, we had a huge fight and didn't talk to each other for a month. I have missed her. Her hair always smelled like kiwi. I never knew another woman that had hair that smelled like hers. So many nights I'd wake up with her hair splayed across my face or chest and I'd have to brush it away. I liked that. Anyone else, it pissed me off. But with Theresa, it was nice. She knew me. Not like Marissa. I loved Theresa but not like Marissa. I loved Theresa because she loved me. We loved each other. But not enough. Or not in the right way. Anyway. Marissa was the first person I ever said 'I love you' to and I meant it, but I cared about Theresa. I had cared deeply for a lot of people. I didn't really know what 'love' was. 

I didn't know why Theresa turned up in my life right now. I'm so fucked up inside that I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I shut Marissa down. I just couldn't listen to her apologizing. I'm so fucking sick of apologies. Seth, Marissa, everyone. The only person that truly supported me during the whole fucking Oliver thing was fucking Luke. Luke. Shit, no wonder my head was fucked up. Seth was trying, shit, he was almost stalking me. He was still completely self-centered but what else is the kid going to talk about? From what I've seen, Seth had never had friends before, let alone girlfriends or *gasp* lovers, so I know that he didn't mean it. The kid was really trying to make it better, trying to get me to talk to him. And I wanted to. I missed him. He made me think. He made me have a good time in impossible situations. 

But if I couldn't forgive Marissa, if I couldn't "go back to the way things were' with her, why should I do it with Seth? Or his family? Why could I overlook their betrayal if I couldn't overlook Marissa's?

"Dude. What are you doing? You look awful," Luke's voice broke into my thoughts. 

I didn't know what was going on with Luke. The dude was straight up lying to me lately. He had been crashing on the poolhouse couch a few nights a week, sneaking in as the sun rose. He kept telling me that he was dating someone that his parents didn't approve of and he needed an alibi. Luke was a good guy and I knew that if he needed my help that he would ask for it. He needed an alibi, and I could do that. I kept waiting for him to explain things, but he hadn't yet. He just came in a few nights a week, exhausted, and crashed out on the couch. It was nice to have someone around that wasn't constantly grilling me about my feelings or my relationships. The Cohens were used to him being around and made sure that he ate. They were under the impression that he was fighting with his parents a lot and I didn't correct them. Shit, I didn't know. 

"Thanks. Good morning to you, too," I muttered.

"Dude. I need your help," Luke said suddenly.

I sat up. This was new. "What's up?"

"I shouldn't tell you this, its really fucked up and twisted…but I have to tell someone because I seriously don't know what to do," Luke said as he sat down heavily on the couch. 

"What?" I asked, confused. 

"You can't say anything. I mean…to anyone. Not Seth…not Marissa, definitely never Marissa…" Luke continued. 

Luke didn't want me to tell Marissa. He'd been parking at my house and disappearing for long hours at a time and walking back. This wasn't sounding good in my head. 

"Ryan…" Luke started, his face twisted with confused emotion.

"Please don't tell me you're fucking Julie Cooper," I whispered. He turned red and I closed my eyes. I thought I was confused about love. Damn. 

"Dude, you can't say anything…"

"I won't. Ever. This is your mess," I said. Luke's face fell. "Dude, I'm sorry. What the hell were you thinking?"

"She's so hot dude, and she was so into me…I've never had sex like this before…"

"Man…is it just sex?" I asked.

"Yeah…I mean, I think so…I really like her, she's cool and she talks to me like I'm a person…like she cares about me and I listen to her…"

"That sounds like more that just sex," I replied. This was weird. This could only happen in Newport. Shit, the moms in Chino never looked as good as Julie Cooper. I didn't want to think about this anymore.

"Boys, you're certainly up early," Sandy said as he walked in. Luke and I both jumped in surprise. Sandy was worried about me. He'd been showing up in the poolhouse almost daily for 'meaningful chats' as Luke put it. I wished that I could say something to make him feel better, to make him relax but the words hadn't formed in my head yet. 

"Morning, Mr. Cohen," Luke said, still red from his confession a few moments before.

"Morning, Luke. How are your parents?"

Luke shrugged. 

"You don't have the nonverbal thing down yet, but I'm sure Ryan's training you," Sandy joked. 

I rolled my eyes and Luke relaxed slightly. 

"What's your plan for this big Saturday?" Sandy asked. His hair was wet from surfing. He had seemed disappointed when I wasn't interested in learning to surf, but it definitely wasn't my thing. I'm from California but not from the beach. I wasn't a big fan. I wasn't a fan at all.

I glanced at Luke, knowing that he needed to talk as possibilities ran through my mind. Hanging out at the poolhouse had been my pattern of late but I didn't think I could take another day of surprise visitors. In a house made of windows, no visitor should be a surprise but those windows would be permanently blocked with blinds if Rosa would just cooperate and leave them closed while I was gone. 

"I think we were leaning toward some basketball later," Luke said suddenly. I shook my head. 

"Basketball? I didn't know you played basketball," Sandy smiled. He was always anxious to find out any information on me. 

"I play. I just don't play that well," I replied dryly. Many of my battles had been fought on the basketball court. It was not my favorite sport, more like my favorite catalyst for fights. I didn't know where Luke was going with this story but I couldn't back out of his lie yet. 

"Don't forget about the formal tonight. Kirsten expects us all there by nine," Sandy said to me. Luke rolled his eyes this time. Sandy turned to Luke, as if sensing his amusement. "You're expected, too, Luke. Anyone who stays here as much as you has to pull his weight and come to the events."

"Tuxedos this time?" I asked.

"Don't worry, I hate it as much as you do, but it's part of living in Newport. Getting dressed up, that is," Sandy said. He started to leave.

"We'll be there, Sandy," I said. Sandy nodded and left the poolhouse. "Basketball?" I asked Luke.

"Well, you weren't saying anything," Luke responded.

"Where the hell are we going to play basketball?" I laughed at the stupidity of the situation. "Do you have a goal somewhere?"

"Hell no. It was a bad idea, I just saw the NBA video game over there and said basketball. Damn, man…"

"No, its cool…let's just get out of here."

"I was thinking, my Dad's out of town on some retreat with his new boyfriend and his boat's empty. Fully stocked bar and a beautiful view of the girls at the marina," Luke said as they stood up. 

"Now that sounds like a plan," I nodded. I could use a drink. I needed to hear about this Julie Cooper thing. I had never been interested in gossip before but this was serious. This would kill Marissa. Luke's reputation would be permanently changed as well as Julie's. This was a big deal. I needed a drink.

***** 

Luke had passed out by noon but I was still conscious. There were some rowdy frat boys a few slips down the marina that kept hooting and whistling at passing girls but I was ignoring them. Instead of taking shots, I had decided to drink gin and o.j. and work on my tan. Yeah, my tan. No matter how long I spent outdoors, I was never as brown as these fucking kids. Not that it mattered, but since I was lying on the deck of Luke's boat in nothing but my shorts without a book or any distraction, tanning's my excuse. 

Luke was really fucked up over this Julie thing. He had told me lots of things. She would come to school and take him for quickies in her car between classes. She'd leave provocative messages on his voicemail. But she was adamant that it was strictly a sexual relationship with no emotions involved. I knew that was easier said than done and Luke was figuring that out. I couldn't give him any advice, I had just listened to him. Sex was tricky. Sex with older women was even trickier. Luke was worried about Marissa and his parents finding out. He really cared about Marissa and I agreed with him that if the truth ever came out, she'd be devastated. 

I glanced up as the frat boys started up again. A pretty girl with short blonde hair was walking down the docks and a couple of the boys had walked off their yacht and were talking loudly to her.

"Where're you headed, sweet thang?" 

"Fuck off," The girl responded. I recognized that voice.

"Aw, not friendly? A few drinks will fix that," One of the boys yelled. 

The girl was trying to walk away but one of the boys was holding her arm. It was Anna Stern. She was still trying to get away but the boys were leading her toward their yacht. 

I was off Luke's boat now and on the docks. Anna was a friend, or at least I hoped she was. I hoped she wouldn't get mad at me interfering but she didn't seem eager to get on those guys' boat. 

"Hey. Leave her alone," I said, tapping the guy who had her arm.

"Ryan," Anna recognized me, relieved.

"What's it to you, punk?" The guy demanded, not letting go of her arm.

I glanced at Anna for a beat and she shook her head slightly. I didn't punch the guy, I just pulled his hand off her arm. She stepped behind me instantly, letting me protect her. A couple of the guys still on their yacht called for the guy to step back and let it go and for an instant, I hoped he wouldn't. A fight might be just what I needed today.

"Sorry," The guy said, holding his arms up and stepping back. 

"Yeah," I muttered. I put my arm around Anna's waist loosely and led her back toward Luke's yacht. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Ryan."

"So what are you doing down here?" I asked.

"I was going to hang out on my Dad's boat," Anna replied.

"All by yourself?"

"Who else would I hang out with?" Anna smiled sadly. 

Anna was a good girl. She really cared about Seth but it wasn't enough to detour him from his fixation on Summer Roberts. Ryan liked her. He liked her more than he thought he'd ever like Summer but it was Seth's decision. He had been surprised to learn that Anna had broken it off but he was glad to know that Anna was strong enough to get herself out of an unhealthy relationship. She wouldn't stay with someone who didn't care about her the same way. That said a lot about a person.

"You're welcome to hang out with me. Luke's passed out so I'm…"

"Making all the girls jealous with your shirtless body?" Anna finished with a smirk.

"Sure. That's cool, right?" I replied. 

"You don't mind?" She asked tentatively. Her confident shield seemed a little thin today. She was still upset. She would fit right in on 'Luke's boat of despair'.

"We're friends, right? Come on," I led her onto the boat. 

Anna seemed to relax after her second rum and coke. I had found her a towel and she was sitting beside me on the deck of the yacht.

"So how are you doing?" Anna asked me quietly.

"How are you doing?"

"I asked you first."

"I'm okay," I answered.

"Come on, Ryan. You're not okay. How could you be? From what I've heard, you had a shittier couple of weeks than me," Anna smiled.

"What'd you hear?" I asked. 

"You beat the shit out of Oliver and then the next day he went psycho and took Marissa hostage. Are you guys back together?" She asked.

"No."

Anna paused, waiting for me to continue but I couldn't think of what to say.

"Why?" She asked.

I sighed. These Newport kids were all about feelings. I was much better at fighting. "Because."

"You can't forgive her for not trusting you?" Anna asked quietly.

"Yeah. You get that?"

"Sure. Damn, Ryan, you got into a lot of trouble trying to get her to believe you, trying to get anyone to believe you and…it must have sucked…" Anna's voice faded.

"Yeah. It did. It was really hard. And now she wants me to just forget about it…and I can't," I admitted. I didn't think that I had talked to anyone else about this. Luke wasn't the best guy to go to for advice and I'd cut off a lot of my sparse communication with everyone else. 

"I'm sorry, Ryan. I know you cared about her."

"Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you care about someone. If it doesn't work, then…"

"It doesn't work," She nodded.

"And you have to just cut your losses…"

"And move on," She finished for me.

"Exactly," I smiled. She smiled back at me. 

"So do you do this a lot?" Anna asked. She finished her drink and I made us fresh ones while I answered her.

"Not really. I'm not big on the whole drinking thing but it's okay on occasion. Today seems like an occasion," I muttered. "Besides, I have to go to another one of Kirsten's dances tonight."

"God, me, too. Boring much? It's just an excuse for my mom to force me to wear a fancy dress," Anna laughed.

"So who're you going with?" I asked, sensing the answer.

"My parents," She sighed.

"Well, I'm going with Luke if that makes you feel better. I think I should buy him some flowers for being my escort," I said. She laughed as she accepted my drink.

"Sounds like a blast."

"We could swing by and pick you up on our way, if you want," I offered. 

"Really? What about Seth?" She asked.

I shrugged. "He's taking Summer. What about him?"

"You don't think he'll get mad?"

"Why? I can't hang out with you?" I asked. "I mean, is it some rule that we can't be friends?"

"No. There's not," Anna replied. She smiled. 

Luke woke up around two and Anna and I were reasonably intoxicated. Somehow, she had convinced me to take some shots of vodka and I was actually wasted. Luke seemed amused when he found me unsteadily steadying Anna as she walked on the edge of the boat as she headed toward the bathroom. 

"Dude. Did you clean out my bar?"

"No, me? You think I would do that?" I replied. Luke laughed. I had never been drunk around them before and it was a little strange. I always talked more when I had been drinking and Anna had commented that I seemed like a different person earlier in the afternoon.

"Hey, Anna. It's good to see you," Luke said. I knew he was still drunk because of the big hug he gave Anna. I knew she was drunk because she returned. I was drunk, too because I laughed. 

"Hey, Luke. Thanks for the drinks," She slurred slightly. I staggered as Anna's arm left my waist and I fell down with a crunch. Damn. That hurt and I had probably broken Kirsten's latest purchase for me. Anna and Luke were both laughing but I grabbed their ankles and they were soon on their asses beside me.

"Did you know that Ryan's hilarious?" Anna asked Luke.

"Chino? I don't believe it," Luke balked. 

I ignored them and pulled the offending object from my shorts' pocket. A cell phone. Kirsten had given it to me a few days earlier, insisting that I needed it. I hadn't given the number to anyone, but Seth had given the number to several people and announced that I was now a member of the 21st century. The phone wasn't broken but it was flashing that I had missed calls. I had never heard the ringer, I kept it on silent. I didn't need the phone but Kirsten and Sandy always asked if I had it before I'd walk out of the house.

"There's the fabled phone," Luke laughed. "He's had that thing a week and I've never seen him use it."

"I don't need it," I muttered.

"You've got messages that say different, kid," Anna teased. 

I put the phone to my ear. The first two messages were from Marissa. She wanted to talk. She wanted another chance. She wanted me to answer the phone. One from Theresa. She was thinking about me and wanted to talk. The next one was a confused call from Seth. Why wasn't I home. What was I doing. It was too early for me to be out with Luke, I should come home and play video games with him. He missed me. I sighed. The next message was from Kirsten. I was surprised. She sounded hesitant but reminded me of the dance later and said that she was sorry about what was going on with Marissa because apparently Jimmy Cooper had asked her about me. Great. Just what I needed to hear. 

"Well, I guess Ryan's not funny anymore," Anna joked, nudging me. 

"Sorry," I replied. I wasn't as drunk now. My problems weren't gone, they were just waiting for me to return to the poolhouse so they could weigh me down again.

"Dude, this is not the time for you to get all dark and reflective," Luke said quietly. "I don't blame you for hiding the phone if it swings your mood like that."

"Is there a way I can disable the voicemail?" I asked with a smirk. 

"Who called you? I didn't even know you had a phone," Anna said.

"Marissa. Theresa. Seth. Seth's mom," I listed.

"Who's Theresa?" She asked. 

"Theresa is Ryan's hottie ex from Chino," Luke volunteered instantly. I glared at him but he was too drunk to catch it.

"Ooh. Drama. What's she doing here?" Anna asked, interested.

"She wants Chino," Luke answered.

"Shut up, Luke," I muttered.

"What? I'm telling the truth, right?" Luke replied.

"I don't know what she wants," I answered honestly.

"Do you want to find out?" Anna asked me seriously.

"I don't know that either," I replied. 

"So what now? Were any of those calls urgent enough for us to have to leave?" Luke asked.

"Nah. Let's drink some more and forget about all that for a while longer. We've got to sober up for that damned dance soon enough," I replied.

"You're coming with us, right? Strength in numbers against the Newport elite?" Luke asked Anna.

"Yes, I am. Ryan invited me," Anna smiled. I was glad that Luke and Anna were getting along. They didn't seem to have anything in common but the alcohol seemed to unite them. I was an outcast magnet. If you had problems, come see me. God knows I needed all the friends I could get right now.

***** 

Luke and I dropped Anna off at her huge house and then he drove me back to the Cohens. He had to go home to get ready but he said that he would come by as soon as he was done to rescue me from the poolhouse. Luke seemed to sense that I was getting antsy at the Cohens and had offered some pre-party drinks. I figured since I was already drunk that there was no reason to stop drinking.

When I walked into the poolhouse, I saw that someone had tidied up. Kirsten, probably. I was used to people in my space, I had nothing to hide. Not here. The only thing I had that was private here was my past and I knew that Sandy had my file locked away inside the house somewhere. Luke's overnight bags were in the corner and she had done his laundry and folded it beside his things. A new answering machine was blinking beside the phone. 

I still hadn't gotten used to the fact that I had my own phone. Cell phones were one things but the Cohens had a separate line in the poolhouse that had become mine when I moved in. Now I had an answering machine, too. I hit the button as I sprawled out on the bed. I was too drunk to worry about closing all those damned blinds right now. I wished I had time for a nap but it would probably turn into me passing out at this point and I couldn't miss tonight's dance without the amputation of a limb or something.

"Ryan. It's me," Marissa's voice echoes through the poolhouse. "I…I miss you. I'm coming to the dance tonight and I hope that we can talk. I know you're avoiding me and I'm sorry but…I need you in my life. If you can't forgive me…I don't want to think about that, Ryan…I just want you…"

I deleted the message and the next one started. "Hey, kid. It's Theresa. I'm working at this party tonight and I was just wondering if you were going to be there. Seth, your brother, he gave me a cell phone number but I wasn't sure if it was yours so I tried this number. I hope…I hope I can see you tonight. Maybe we can hang."

God. What the hell was I going to do now? I closed my eyes and things spun in the darkness. I have to get ready. Shower, then stress. That was my plan for now. 

***** 


	2. Two

I opened my eyes when the door to the poolhouse slammed closed. "My turn," Luke muttered, wearing his tuxedo. His eyes were still glazed with alcohol and his hair was unbrushed and wild. 

"Shit, what time is it?" I asked. I had passed out where I had landed and that answering machine was blinking again. 

"Late," Luke muttered but I was already on my feet. Luke was sprawled across the couch. I staggered slightly as I rushed into the bathroom to get my shower. It was already after eight. I couldn't believe that none of the Cohens had come in and woken me but they could've been too busy inside the main house. 

I took a quick shower and got out. I could hear Kirsten talking to Luke in the poolhouse as I ran a hand through my hair and stepped out in my wife-beater and sweatpants.

"You're late," Kirsten scolded as I went to my closet.

"Sorry. I fell asleep," I replied. 

Kirsten came to my side as I looked through the fully stocked closet for my tuxedo. "Is everything okay?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah. Everything's okay," I replied. Her face seemed to flash with concern for an instant. 

"You've been drinking," She said.

"What? No…" I protested but she was in my face now. 

"Ryan. Have you been drinking?"

"No, Kirsten, I swear…" I lied. This couldn't be a good thing. Not after the past couple of weeks I've had. "What are you talking about?"

Luke was watching us from the couch with a stricken expression on his face. 

"Ryan, don't lie to me. have you been drinking today?"

"No, Kirsten," I repeated. She relented, an apologetic look on her face. I realized that I was going to burn in hell. 

"I'm sorry, Ryan. It must be your shampoo or something. I didn't mean to accuse you…" She apologized.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. You haven't done anything wrong and I shouldn't have accused you so I'm sorry," Kirsten started, clearly flustered.

"Kirsten. It's fine. You look nice," I added. She was decked out in a shiny red dress and her hair was curled tonight. 

"Thank you. You guys are on the way, right?" She asked, turning and starting for the door. 

"We just have to pick up Anna and then we'll be there," I answered. She stopped by the door. 

"Anna? Seth's…friend?" Kirsten asked.

"Yeah. We saw her today and didn't want her to be stuck going with her parents," Luke answered so I didn't have to. 

"Oh. That was very nice of you. I'll see you boys there," Kirsten said. She closed the door behind her. 

The poolhouse was silent once she was gone.

"Damn, Ryan…" Luke started.

"Shut up. We're not talking about the eternal damnation that I just lied my way into . Can you call Anna and tell her we're running late?" I sighed as I finally found my tux and pulled it out of the closet. Luke's back was to me as I quickly changed my clothes as he called Anna. 

Marissa and Theresa would both be expecting to talk to me tonight and now I had managed to have Kirsten worried about me as well. Damn, this was going to be a long night.

***** 

Anna's parents had already left and she answered the door in a short, cute dress. Luke and I both commented that she looked beautiful but when she blushed, I saw Luke blush too and I laughed. 

"Shit, come in. We're already late and I've been topping off my afternoon with a little cocktail," Anna grinned. What the hell had we started. 

Luke made me a drink when he mixed his own and we sat down in Anna's expansive living room. These Newport houses all made me wonder where the plastic covers on the sofa were. 

"So, Ryan. What ladies are you meeting with tonight?" Anna asked as she sat down beside me. She was giddy and drunk and put her arm around me. It was nice to have a female friend that wasn't trying to get into my pants for once. It was definitely a fresh thing for me. Because of Seth, Anna knew that I was 'off-limits' and that seemed to make us both pretty comfortable. I didn't resent her for asking anyway.

"Yeah, who are you meeting?" Luke echoed. 

"Marissa wants to 'talk'," I started with a sigh. "And Theresa wants to hang out."

"What are you going to do?" Luke asked.

"I hope to avoid them both," I answered honestly.

"Why don't you just work it out with Marissa? I mean, you love her…don't you love her?" Luke asked. 

"I…it's complicated," I started.

"She treated him like shit, Luke. She wouldn't listen to anything he said, she believed Oliver…" Anna interrupted.

"But she's sorry," Luke replied.

"Fuck sorry, it doesn't make everything okay," Anna muttered. "Marissa did him dirty and she deserves what she gets." It was getting tense and I hadn't even spoken.

"She's going through a rough time," Luke protested.

"She can take a damn number," Anna snapped. "We all go through rough times but we don't have to treat other people like they don't matter…like they don't have feelings…" She started to cry and Luke looked at me in surprise.

"Anna, don't cry, don't get upset," Luke stammered. I put my arms around her and she cried into my shoulder. Her defense of me had somehow turned against her and brought up the memory of her failed relationship.

"Anna, I'm sorry about Seth…" I started.

"What's wrong with me…is there something wrong with me?" Anna sniffled.

"No, Anna, there's nothing wrong with you, you're a great girl…but Seth's been in love with Summer…forever. He likes you a lot, he really likes you but he's fucking obsessed with that chick," I tried. She nodded sadly.

"He's stupid, Anna. Guys are stupid. You haven't figured that out yet? I mean, look how I treated Marissa…" Luke said.

"And I don't have the best history of making good relationship decisions, either. Luke's right. We're stupid," I agreed.

"What? Chino has a checkered romantic history where he's not always saving the damsel in distress?" Luke teased. "Spill."

"Fuck you," I half-laughed. He was right. My reputation in Newport was definitely skewed. I had never had a defined 'reputation' in Chino and in Newport, I'd been labeled as things that would floor my old friends.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to go with Luke on this one. I want to know when you were stupid," Anna laughed. 

"Yeah, what'd you do? Cheat on a girl?"

I laughed. They really knew nothing about me. I could lie and tell them anything. But I didn't want to do that. "I cheated on every girl I ever went out with before Marissa." Anna was laughing in surprise and Luke was staring. 

"But in my defense, I've never had a long term relationship, like a serious one, before Marissa either," I added.

"Dude, I went out with Marissa for years and you've only been here a few months…that's long term?" Luke asked.

"I think he meant with feelings involved," Anna said quietly.

"Yeah. That's what I meant. But I still punched guys that cheated on girls I know," I said. 

Luke laughed. His cell phone rang as Anna got up to fix her makeup.

"Yeah?" Luke answered. He looked at me. "Hang on." He handed me the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Dude. You are so late. Mom's looking for you and Dad's been at Luke's Mom's table all night but the weirdest thing is Julie Cooper just asked me about Anna and…" Seth rambled.

I glanced at Luke but the alcohol didn't dull the effect of Seth's words. "Seth."

"Where are you?" Seth asked.

"Hang on, Seth." I lowered the phone and nudged Luke. He sat down, unsteady. "Can you drive?"

"No. Sorry. I was about to ask you," Luke replied after a beat. I heard something crash in the bathroom. Anna and I were definitely out.

"Seth?" I lifted the phone back to my ear.

"Yeah. Still here. What's going on?"

"Can you do me a huge favor and not ask any questions?"

"Sure," Seth answered. He only paused a second. 

"Send a cab for us to Anna's address," I said. I was hoping that Seth would come through for me. I didn't know what would happen if Sandy or Kirsten found out about my impromptu binge.

"Oh. Okay. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Luke's having some truck trouble and I didn't know we were this late."

"Is that it?" Seth asked.

"Yeah. I don't know the address or the cab's phone number and I'm up to my elbows trying to fix Luke's truck," I lied. Luke was shaking his head at me. I was lying. I sat down. I was lying left and right. This was not who I wanted to be. 

"Ryan…I'll send the cab but…you'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah. Of course. I'll see you there." I flipped the phone closed and passed it back to Luke.

"Ryan. You don't want Seth to know you've been drinking?" 

"Not tonight. I lied to his mom and…God…I'm drunk…" I admitted.

"I'm drunk, too," Anna announced. "And something happened while I was getting beautiful again. What's up?" She stumbled as she stepped toward the couch and started to fall but Luke and I leaned forward and caught her. She was sprawled across us on the couch.

"Taxi. That's what you missed," I said.

"Good call. Your truck is all up on my curb," Anna laughed to Luke.

"I need to talk to you, Luke. Before the party."

"Yeah? What's up?" Luke asked.

"Someone was asking about stuff possibly related to you," I said slowly.

"Does anybody else want a cigarette?" Anna asked. "I'm going to go raid my dad's secret stash and you guys can talk."

Luke didn't protest, he was confused but Anna didn't seem mad as she stumbled from the room to give us privacy. 

"Dude, Julie asked Seth about Anna. And I don't know the context but…think about it," I said to Luke. I didn't know why, but it seemed important to me.

"I told Mrs. Cooper that we were coming with Anna tonight. She wanted me to meet her after…" Luke muttered.

"You call her 'Mrs. Cooper'?" I asked. I couldn't stop the laugh from breaking through. Luke was so startled that he laughed, too.

"Fuck you," He said.

"I've got bigger problems," I laughed. 

"And they both end with 'eh-sa', don't they?" Anna asked as she reentered with a pack of cigarettes. She waved them enticingly.

"Yeah. Okay. It'll cover the liquor," I decided as I finished my glass in a long gulp and stood up. "Come on. Let's go outside and wait for the taxi," I said to Luke. Anna grabbed her purse and we walked out to wait for our ride.

***** 

The cigarettes did nothing for our shaky sobriety. Seth was waiting for us at the side entrance of the hotel where tonight's event was being held.

I stepped out first and helped Anna out as Luke climbed out of the opposite side. Anna and Luke, both dressed up, looked rumpled. Luke's hair was flattened against his head and Anna had to grab my arm to steady herself as she stood up completely.

"Hey," Seth said. I could tell he was worried and bursting with questions.

"Hey," I nodded. 

Anna and Luke looked at me sympathetically but walked past us. Seth took my arm and kept me outside on the sidewalk.

"Ryan. What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" I replied evenly.

Seth was staring me down. His brown eyes were searching my face. The bastard really seemed to care and I was lying to him, I wasn't giving him a chance. But if I gave him a chance then I had to forgive Marissa and…

"Ryan. I'm sorry. You know that. Give me a reason why I shouldn't go tell Mom that you guys were too drunk to drive three miles from Anna's house," Seth said urgently. "Give me something, here."

I opened my mouth to answer but he wasn't done.

"You won't talk to me, you aren't talking to my dad but you're hanging out with Luke and Anna…"

"Damn, Seth, I needed a break. I just…I needed to be with people that aren't weighing me down with apologies and questions at every turn," I said. I stopped myself. I'd said too much because Seth was staring at me, stricken.

"Dude…"

"Seth, you really helped me out, tonight. Thank you."

"Ryan, what am I supposed to do to fix this…" Seth started.

"Just stop," I sighed and stepped back. I was too drunk, too rattled to do this now. "I'm not mad at you. Upset, sure, but not mad. I just need some time to get my head back together."

Seth nodded but I could tell he was upset. "I won't say anything about tonight."

"Thank you."

"And we're cool…"

"Yeah," I said. I meant it when I said it. I couldn't punish Seth when he was trying this hard to apologize. Maybe he meant it. Of course, my mom, my dad, my brother, all my girlfriends, they had always meant it, too. At least they meant it when they said it. 

"Ry?" I was glad that he broke into my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"You don't look so good," Seth said.

"Really?" I asked. I straightened my jacket but Seth finally stepped closer and fixed my tie and tousled my uncombed hair so it looked presentable. I assumed it looked presentable, anyway. 

"Better," He nodded.

"Good enough for your mom?"

"You're two hours late so nothing's going to be good enough," Seth said seriously.

"Can't I plead the fifth?" I laughed. I didn't like Seth like this. He was usually happy and sarcastic but his face was drawn with tension now. 

"Consult your attorney, Ryan," Seth smiled slightly as he patted me on the back.

***** 

The event was in full swing when I found Kirsten and Sandy sitting at Luke's Mom's table. They all looked up at me in surprise when I tapped Sandy on the shoulder. 

"You made it! What happened?" Sandy asked immediately. 

"Truck trouble…" I started.

"God, Ryan, did you even look in a mirror?" Kirsten whispered. 

"I was trying to work on his truck and not get dirty," I lied. She seemed to accept my excuse. 

"Ryan. Do you know anything about this new girl that Luke's been seeing?" Mrs. Ward asked me suddenly. This was bad. I didn't react externally, this was too important. 

"He's seeing someone?" I asked after a beat. Sandy knew I was lying because of the glance he shot my way. 

"I thought so. He's been acting really strange lately and I'm worried about him," Mrs. Ward admitted.

"I think he's okay. I'll talk to him," I offered. Kirsten smiled at me and I turned to leave the table. More lies but that went better than I expected.

"Ryan. Hang on," Sandy was right beside me and I jumped when he spoke to me. 

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?" He asked, pulling me aside.

"Nothing. Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I asked. It was a valid question. 

"Because you look…you don't look like yourself," Sandy said. He wasn't angry, he really seemed concerned. I still didn't know what I should say.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sick? Do you feel okay?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah, Sandy. I swear, I'm fine…"

"I don't believe you but I'll let it go for now," Sandy replied. He lowered his voice. "Luke's mom is really worried. I thought you said that he wasn't getting along with his parents and she says that everything is fine, she just never sees Luke…"

"Isn't that between Luke and his Mom?" I asked after a pause. I glimpsed Luke and Anna across the room talking to Marissa. I wondered what that's all about. Summer and Seth were watching the conversation from a few feet away. So was Julie Cooper who was behind a potted plant within hearing distance of the crowd.

"Luke's been staying at our house, Ryan, so his Mom was asking if we knew anything…" Sandy replied. He followed my gaze across the room. "What?"

"Nothing," I answered.

"Marissa?"

"What do you think she's talking to them about?" I asked out loud. Sandy glanced at me before returning his attention across the room to the small crowd.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" Sandy asked slowly.

"I guess I'll find out soon enough," I muttered. He let me walk away. Before I could reach the other side of the room, Theresa stopped in front of me.

"Hey, man."

"Hey," I smiled. I accepted her hug. Kiwi. 

"You…" She laughed suddenly. "You're fucking wasted."

"Shh," I grinned. 

"Can I come to the after party?"

"I doubt we'll last that long," I replied honestly. "I'm surprised I made it here."

"Do you have a second to talk?" Theresa grinned at me. God, she was more beautiful now than ever. I remembered when I knew every detail of her flesh. "Ryan?"

"Sorry. Yeah, sure," I said. She took my arm and we sat down at a vacant table beside us. 

"What's up? I thought you were all reformed now," Theresa teased. 

It was disorienting to be sitting here with her, with someone that knew all about my life when things had changed so much. In Chino, I was always drinking, it was a normal thing, but here, I rarely touched the stuff. 

"Had a slight relapse," I replied.

Theresa tilted her head at me. Or maybe I tilted. She smirked at me. "You're too wasted for me to play with tonight."

I raised my eyebrows. I really missed her. "Really? Too wasted? I don't believe that." Before I could stop her she leaned over and kissed me deeply. She didn't taste the same. She tasted like heat and lust. Her tongue was probing my mouth and I vaguely registered her hands on the back of my head as if she thought I'd pull away. I should pull away. I shouldn't be doing this. Not here. Not now. 

"Theresa…" I managed as I got a breath. "Stop…"

"I don't want to…" She said as I pulled away. "Ryan…"

"We have to," I said as I got to my feet. I walked away from her and the air was cool on my flushed face. I was dizzy and before I could get my bearings, Anna was in front of me and I couldn't stop. I knocked her to the floor and she collapsed in laughter as the room's loud drone paused for an instant. People were staring at us but 

"I'm sorry, Anna," I apologized but she didn't stop laughing. 

"You should see your face…" She said. We helped each other up off the floor.

"What's up?" I asked as we were upright again. 

"Everybody just saw you sucking face with that girl. I take it that's Theresa?" Anna asked.

"Yeah."

"Marissa saw it, too. She ran off, crying. She was already crying, though. I kind of snapped on her," Anna admitted.

"Really? What happened?"

"She accused me of sleeping with Luke, I don't know what that was all about, but I went off…Seth said I had a rage blackout, whatever that means…" Anna continued. She paused. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Hell yeah. Where's Luke?" I asked.

"Marissa's mom pulled him outside. Everything's weird in here tonight and I'm too drunk to even try and understand it," Anna said. 

"Can you wait for me right here? I'll get Luke and try to come up with an excuse for our parents," I said. This night was getting worse and worse. I was getting a headache after all the liquor and feigning sobriety had started to wear me out. 

"Yeah. I can't come with?" She asked.

"Uh…"

"Okay. I don't want to know. Go get Luke," She nodded.

"Thanks, Anna." I couldn't believe she wasn't going to nag at me for information but I appreciated it. I gave her a quick hug before making my way to the exit. 

I could hear Julie Cooper's voice, wracked with tears when I walked out. Luke had his arms around her and they were in the shadows of the stairs. 

"Hey," I said quietly. They both jumped in surprise. "You shouldn't be doing that here."

Julie gave me a strange look but Luke was clearly relieved. He flushed with embarrassment. Luke wasn't stupid but the alcohol had impaired him enough that he was in public with his arms around Julie Cooper. 

"Hey, man. what's up?" Luke asked.

"You ready to get out of here?" I replied. 

"Hell yes," Luke replied. Julie was blissfully silent. This was new. The dragon lady couldn't actually have feelings for Luke but the way she was wiping her smeared mascara said something different. 

"Anna's waiting for us inside. Let's bounce," I said. We had to get out of here. After the night that we'd had so far, we all needed to get out of here. 

***** 


	3. Three

__

"Jane says   
I'm done with Sergio   
He treats me like a rag doll   
She hides  
The television   
Says I don't owe him nothing,   
But if he comes back again   
Tell him to wait right here for me  
Or just  
Try again tomorrow  
I'm gonna kick tomorrow  
Gonna kick tomorrow…"

--Jane's Addiction

The Aftermath of the Afterparty 

I held open the door of the taxi as Luke and Anna climbed inside.

"So, dude…" Luke started.

"No talking. Not yet," I replied. I had just lied to three different sets of parents. The Cohens, The Sterns and Luke's mother. I had never been a good liar but I was setting a record for tonight.

"What's our story?" Anna asked after the car was moving. 

"You're sick," I said.

"I am?" Anna smirked. "Oh, yeah, I am. And you guys have to take me home, right?"

"Exactly. Sandy said that we just made the shortest appearance ever allowed at a Newport function," I sighed. 

"I think we were there twenty minutes, tops," Luke laughed. "But it was one of the longest twenty minutes of my life."

"So what happened with Marissa?" I asked. I'd been waiting to hear about the conversation that I'd missed. 

"I'm so sorry about that, Ryan, I just couldn't believe that she accused me of fucking Luke when I haven't even had a real conversation with him before today. I mean, the chick is just clueless," Anna sighed. She was leaning against Luke and he had his arm around her. 

"Where'd she get that idea from?" I asked. Luke's eyelids were drooping and he was barely alert. I knew what he was feeling because I was beat, too. This binge had taken a lot out of me and my hangover seemed to be kicking in already. 

"Why is it any of her business what Luke does? Isn't she supposed to be trying to get you back?" Anna snapped. I shrugged. I didn't know what was going on in Marissa's head right now. "Anyway, I snapped on her and told her to mind her own damned business and if I want to hang out with Luke or you that I would and she could go to hell. Then, you and that waitress decided to have that PDA at the table and she just took off. My turn. What was that with Theresa?"

I covered my face. I didn't have an answer for her. "I don't know."

"You don't know? You mean, she molested you?" Anna asked with a straight face. I had to laugh at her seriousness. 

"I wish she'd molest me," Luke muttered and I shoved him playfully. 

"I'm not going to comment on that," I murmured. Out of the three of us, Luke's the only one that could actually have a case for being molested. Julie Cooper was old enough to be his mother. I couldn't stop the chuckle as I thought about it. Luke joined me and Anna glanced between us, confused.

"Okay, I'm trying not to be a nuisance, but something is going on between you guys and I'm dying of curiosity over here," Anna said. I wondered when she was going to push this. I glanced at Luke as the taxi pulled up to Anna's mansion. Luke shook his head at me. It wasn't my secret to tell and the more people that heard about it, the more likely it would be common gossip. I didn't _think_ Anna would say anything but I _knew_ that Luke and I wouldn't say anything.

"I promise you that you really don't want to know," Luke said as he helped her out. Luke paid the taxi driver as I put my hand on Anna's back to steady her. 

"So what now?" I asked as the taxi pulled away.

"Well, I'm going to eat some ibuprofen and crash out. At least I have an excuse for being sick as hell tomorrow."

"Well, give us a call, Anna. I mean, maybe we can hang out again," Luke embraced her. 

"Yeah, there's still gossip to be made," I laughed as I hugged her once Luke released her. Anna was a sweet girl and she was smarter than I had ever imagined. She deserved someone who could love her since Seth couldn't. 

"Take care, guys. Thanks for the drunken bonding. I'll hate you both tomorrow, but for tonight, it's nice," She grinned. She disappeared into the house as Luke and I climbed into his truck. 

"Are you cool to drive?" I asked. Luke seemed a little sluggish but I knew from experience that even though he was drunk, he could probably still drive. Drinking and driving was a learned skill and Luke had proven to me that he was well-learned. Not a talent to be proud of but it came in handy.

"I'll drive and you can navigate," Luke replied.

"How's that work?"

"I drive and if you see me swerve off-course, yell. That's how we do it in the OC," Luke grinned.

"Don't call me a bitch or I'll have to hurt you," I laughed.

We rode in silence. Luke was concentrating on staying between the lines and I was trying to think about all the drama that we had just escaped from. Marissa was mad at me. She saw me kiss Theresa. Theresa wanted me. Marissa wanted me. Seth was pissed at me. Sandy was suspicious. I was looking at some serious damage control tomorrow. I heard the scraping of metal suddenly.

"Shit…" Luke muttered as he sideswiped a parked car and swerved sideways in the street. 

"Shit…" I echoed as I jumped out of the truck to assess the damage. There was a long scratch down the side of Luke's truck and the mirror was hanging off the car.

"How's it look?"

"Just go," I said as I got back into the truck.

"What?" Luke asked.

"Just go," I repeated. Luke straightened the truck and took off with a squeal of tires. "You're drunk and if the cops come, you'll lose your license for being underage," I said.

"Shit…should I leave my insurance information?" Luke asked.

"Fuck it. Nobody saw us, we should be clear…" I had my fingers crossed as Luke drove faster. My ticket to hell had been sealed. Maybe I should ask Luke to turn around so I could steal the car for good measure. 

"Damn…"

"Don't panic. We'll fix the truck tomorrow, it's just scratched. I'm sorry, Luke…"

"It's not your fault, but you're a shitty navigator," Luke said nervously.

"Thanks," I smiled. Luke roared through the gate toward the Cohen's.

"Can I crash on your couch?" Luke asked as he parked his truck.

"Did you talk to your mom tonight? Is it still cool?" I asked.

"I'll talk to her first thing tomorrow…" Luke started.

"Sure. You going to Julie's?" I asked.

"Yeah. She was pretty upset when we left so I promised her I'd come by," Luke admitted.

"Be careful, man. We're skating on some serious ice here and it's getting thinner by the second," I said. 

"I know. I think she's the one that told Marissa about me and Anna. Its almost like she's jealous," Luke said.

"It's getting more complicated, dude," I said to Luke as we walked around the edge of the house toward the poolhouse. 

"It's always been complicated but…I thought I'd be the one getting overinvolved. I mean, she's a grown woman and she's jealous of a high school girl…"

"She's a grown woman that's fucking a high-school boy, Luke. A woman is a woman. Jealousy comes with the tampons," I remarked. He laughed. 

"So what are you going to do?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I'm going to bed."

"About your ladies, Ryan?" Luke rephrased. 

I shrugged again. I didn't have an answer. I didn't know. I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. "I'm going to sleep on it," I said. The room spun for a few seconds and I didn't hear what else Luke said.

***** 

"Ryan. Ryan, wake up." Sandy's voice was stern and serious. I opened my eyes and winced at the bright sunlight that was streaming through the opened blinds. Sandy was standing over my bed.

"Hey…" I muttered before my headache took my words. God. I felt like hell.

"Where's Luke?" Sandy demanded.

"What?" I sat up. I didn't see Luke.

"Where is Luke? His truck's in our driveway and his mother is looking for him. Where is he?"

As if I didn't have enough problems, Luke wasn't back from Julie's yet. Shit. What was I supposed to say? "Is he in the bathroom?"

"No," Sandy answered immediately. "I already checked. Where is he, Ryan? Don't tell me you don't know, I've had enough lies from you in the last twenty-four hours," He said seriously.

"What?" I asked. I wanted to know what he knew before I offered any information. God, I couldn't even focus on him because of the pain in my head. I could feel my nausea growing.

"Ryan. Tell me the truth. Where is Luke?"

Before I could answer, the door to the poolhouse swung open and Luke stepped inside, still wearing his tux. "Damn, Ryan, are you awake…oh…hey, Mr. Cohen."

Sandy glanced from me to Luke with a disapproving and very confused expression on his face. This was not good. I could see Sandy switching into attorney mode for the interrogation. I was going to be sick. I rushed from the room to the bathroom and emptied my stomach into the toilet. 

"You're not my son but when you're on my property, you are my responsibility," Sandy's voice carried to the bathroom as I was flushing and brushing my teeth. I hadn't eaten much yesterday so hopefully I wouldn't have much more vomiting to do, but there was also the chance that I would dry heave. My tolerance was much lower in Newport. I hadn't threw up from liquor in years. This hangover was not fun. 

"Mr. Cohen…"

"I want you to tell me the truth, Luke," Sandy demanded. I reentered the room and met Luke's panicked gaze. I had no answer. Sandy glanced at me. 

"Mr. Cohen…" Luke started again.

"What is going on? You're still in your clothes from last night. I'm not getting to the drinking yet, I just want to know where you've been," Sandy said. "I want the truth."

"I can't tell you," Luke said quietly. I closed my eyes. This was going to be interesting. 

"Luke. This is serious," Sandy sighed.

"It's not just about him. There are other factors involved," I whispered. 

"I need to know what's going on right now. I told your mother that you were sleeping. I lied for you. I need to know why I'm lying," Sandy said. "If there are other factors involved…then I'll respect that. You can trust me."

I raised my eyebrows as Luke glanced at me. I trusted Sandy but this was something I didn't even think he'd be able to keep confidential. There had to be a way out of this. Maybe if my head wasn't pounding, I could think of one. 

"Luke. Tell me," Sandy demanded.

"Give him a dollar," I said to Luke suddenly. 

"What?" Luke and Sandy asked in unison.

"If Luke gives you a dollar then you'll be bound by the confidentiality agreement. He'll be paying you for your services and you can't say anything to anyone, right?"

Sandy sighed. "Is it that big of a deal, guys?"

Luke glanced at me, more panicked. He wasn't going to talk about this and it wasn't my place. He shook his head at me. "I can't."

"Bad idea," I whispered.

Sandy glanced from me to Luke, confused and concerned. "You're both in a load of trouble, you know that right?" I nodded. "Luke can't stay here anymore if I don't get some answers."

Luke turned away for a moment and I could tell that he was just as hungover as me. He rushed from the room and left me alone with Sandy.

"Ryan…"

"I can't talk about it. It's not my place," I said.

"This is serious…" Sandy began.

"I'm well aware." I whispered. I met his gaze. "I don't know if you realize how serious." I didn't like lying to Sandy but I wouldn't let Luke take the fall for this. I was involved, too. I was covering for him. 

"You were drunk last night. You lied to Kirsten, you lied to her face and then you came to that party and lied to me, too. You and Luke are into something and I demand to know what it is," Sandy said. I had never heard Sandy sound so angry. He was really angry and I couldn't talk my way out of this. 

I didn't answer him. I couldn't lie to him again. I lowered my eyes.

"Talk to me, Ryan. I don't want this to be another Oliver incident…" Sandy started. Luke walked out. 

"This doesn't involve him, Mr. Cohen," Luke said. 

"He's lying for you. He's involved," Sandy replied, still staring me down. I wouldn't meet his eyes. I couldn't lie to him again. 

"Can I give you a dollar?" Luke asked after a long silence. 

Sandy glanced between us and finally nodded. Luke pulled a dollar out of his wallet and handed it to Sandy. "Sit down."

Luke sat down on my bed and I sat down beside him. 

"Tell me," Sandy said. Luke glanced at me and didn't speak. "Come on, guys, you're only making it worse on yourself…"

"Luke's seeing someone," I said quietly.

"Who? Why are you protecting him?" Sandy asked me.

"Julie Cooper," Luke whispered. Sandy lost all color in his face. He was clearly stunned by Luke's revelation. 

"Dear God…" Sandy muttered. 

"Hey, Ryan…oh. Hey Dad. Luke," Seth walked into the poolhouse. 

"It's not a good time, Seth," Sandy sighed. 

"Okay, but Theresa's here to see Ryan," Seth said, giving me a worried look. I knew he'd grill me for information as soon as we were alone but it was too late now. Sandy waved Seth away and waited for the door to close to speak. I didn't even try to get up. Seth could entertain Theresa.

"How…oh god. Luke…what are you thinking?" Sandy breathed. Luke didn't answer. He wasn't meeting my gaze either. This was really bad. 

"You can't say anything, Mr. Cohen…" Luke said quietly. He glanced up and met Sandy's piercing stare. 

"Luke…Julie Cooper?" Sandy asked.

"Repeating it doesn't make it less weird," I muttered.

"You knew about this? How long?" Sandy asked.

"I only told Ryan yesterday," Luke said.

"I knew something was going on."

"How long, Luke?" 

"A few weeks. Since Valentines," Luke replied.

"Really?" I asked. I didn't know he got laid on Valentines Day. I always expected him to be a bragger but he hadn't said anything.

"What are you going to do?" Sandy asked.

"I…" Luke started, glancing at me.

"God, Sandy, give the man a little space," I muttered.

Sandy glared at me. "Go tell Theresa that you can't come out and play." 

I got up to go to the door and saw Seth approaching. He opened the door for me as I walked out.

"Hey. Marissa's here, too."

"Fuck," I said. This was bad. Everything I had walked away from last night was finding me and I didn't know how I felt about either of them. I loved Marissa but she betrayed me. I cared about Theresa too, and it was just really easy to remember the feelings we used to share.

"Dude. You okay?" Seth asked.

"Not at all." I opened the door to the kitchen and heard Marissa's voice.

"You have no right to be here," Marissa was saying.

"Me? You're the bitch that broke his heart," Theresa snapped. They were standing entirely too close to each other and I recognized that look on Theresa's face. They both looked damned hot, though.

Marissa pulled back her hand to slap Theresa but Theresa instinctively grabbed her wrist and retaliated by using her free hand to slap Marissa. Marissa gasped and I couldn't get to them in time and she backhanded Theresa and knocked her back several steps. I grabbed Theresa by the waist as Seth went for Marissa. 

"Bitch! I know you didn't just touch me! Let me go, Ryan! Goddammit!" Theresa was kicking and clawing at me to release her.

Seth started yelling for Sandy as Marissa broke free of his grasp and Theresa and I fell to the floor. 

"I'm going to fuck her up…" Theresa hissed as she elbowed me in the face and broke loose. She grabbed Marissa by the ankles and pulled her to the floor. 

"What the hell?" Sandy demanded as he rushed in. "Marissa! Theresa! Stop it!"

Marissa screamed as Theresa pulled her hair. Seth started spraying cold water on the two wrestling girls and they broke apart, both panting with exhaustion.

"Take it outside if you're going to fight," Sandy ordered. God, he was angry. No one moved. 

"I think you should leave," I said after a tense silence.

Theresa and Marissa glanced at each other. Seth spoke. "Who?"

I looked at them. First Marissa then Theresa. This was hard. "You want something you can't have. I can't be with either of you."

"Ryan…" Marissa started to cry.

"I can't forget it Marissa. Maybe I can forgive you but I'll never forget what happened. I just need some time…"

Theresa didn't look at me until I said her name. "Theresa. We've been down this road enough times to know that it doesn't work."

She smiled at me. "But we always have fun, baby." She was using her 'turn on" voice and I closed my eyes. 

"I just want you to talk to me," Marissa said with a sob.

"He doesn't have anything to say to you," Theresa snapped.

"Please," I said. "Go."

Marissa stifled a sob and rushed from the house. I hoped she wouldn't drive when she was so upset. Theresa was staring at me from the floor a few feet away.

"Ryan…" She started.

"Theresa, he asked you to go," Seth said. I nodded. I was glad that he could tell that I couldn't say it again. My head was killing me and I had just turned away Marissa. 

Theresa stood up and walked over to where I was sitting. "I'm sorry I hurt you," She said.

"It's not the first time," I replied. She offered her hand and I accepted her help to my feet. She pulled me into a hug. 

"If you want to have fun again, you know where to find me." She whispered. She turned her head to kiss me but I pulled away. 

"I asked you to go," I whispered. 

She frowned, hurt on her face. She turned and walked out.

Sandy and Seth were staring at me. 

"Dude. That was the hottest catfight that I've ever seen," Seth said. He bowed reverently to me.

"Are you okay?" Sandy asked.

I touched my hand to my face. My nose was bleeding. That's what Theresa meant. I just lost them both. 

"Ryan?" Sandy called. 

"So I'm grounded, right?" I asked.

Sandy looked at me, concerned. "What?"

"Grounded," I repeated.

Sandy glanced at Seth. "Yes, Ryan. I still need to talk to you."

"Yeah." I left the kitchen and made it barely back to the poolhouse bathroom. Luke called my name but I was sick. 

***** 

I took a shower before walking out of the bathroom. I was clean but my head hurt and my face hurt and I was freezing. I remembered why I quit drinking.

"Hey. What happened in there?" Luke asked.

"What happened out here?"

Luke sighed. "Sandy advises me to get out now. He says its only going to get more complicated but…I tried to break it off last night and she…"

"She begged you to forgive her…" I offered.

"Yeah, but not forgive, just to …she begged me to stay," Luke said, affected. "How do I walk away from her? I care about her and I don't want her to be upset…"

I sat down on the bed. Luke had more morals than I did. I was the poster child for walking away. 

"Ry?"

"I'm sorry, Luke. That Sandy found out and…"

"It's cool. It's not your fault. You were just trying to help me and I appreciate it."

I nodded. 

"So who punched you?"

"Marissa and Theresa got into a fight. Theresa elbowed me in the face when I was holding her back."

"Holy shit, I missed that? Who won?"

"Seth hosed them down. Theresa was on top," I said. Luke laughed. Finally, I joined him. 

After a few minutes, we settled back into silence. I didn't know what Luke was going to do. I didn't know what I was going to do. I knew that Marissa would eventually move on if I kept shutting her down. Theresa, well, she'd always be there for a fling but I had shut her down, too. At least, after the impromptu conference in the kitchen, I'd have a little time before either of them talked to me again. What had I done?

"What am I going to do?" Luke asked.

"I was just asking myself the same thing," I replied with a sigh.

***** 


	4. Four

AN: I thought this story was completed but after a LOT of poking from the TWOP folks (you know who you are and you should all be ashamed) I decided to continue. Here's an action filled chapter but I promise more introspection and angst in the future chapters, but this part just came to me after getting reacquainted with the story. 

Several days later:

Luke and I were walking between Seth and Summer on our way into school. Things had finally settled into a semblance of calm. Teresa had stopped calling me and according to Summer, Jimmy had encouraged Marissa to give me some space. Thank god. I was so fucking relaxed that I knew that something bad was bound to happen soon.

Anna had started hanging out with Luke and I on a regular basis. Luke had confessed to me earlier that morning that he had a slight crush on the short blonde. I knew that Anna liked Luke too, so I told him to take a chance and ask her out. He was hesitant, due mainly to Julie Cooper's fevered obsession with him. 

Luke had taken Sandy's advice and told Mrs. Cooper that it was over. He hadn't been taking her calls or answering her emails. He had been talking to Sandy a lot, without me around, and seemed to be at ease with his decision. 

"Dude, what's on your mind today? World peace? The cure for cancer?" Seth smiled.

"Nada," I replied. "Just remembered how much I hate school," I added.

"Amen, man!" Luke laughed. 

"What's Marissa's mom doing here?" Summer asked. 

Julie Cooper was standing by the steps outside the school talking to Anna. Luke and I glanced at each other. This wasn't good at all. Especially considering the escalating emotional messages Luke had been getting.

"Summer, where's Marissa?" I asked.

"She's in the library, she had a quiz she forgot about," Summer started. Luke and I increased our pace immediately and within moments were beside Anna.

Anna's face was pale but her eyes were bright with anger. She gave Luke a strange look and I could tell that she knew about the affair. 

"You have no idea what you're talking about Mrs. Cooper," Anna hissed. I put my hand on her back and could feel the tension in her body. 

"I know you're fucking Luke…" Julie started.

"Julie, stop, you don't know what you're talking about…" Luke said quietly. I glanced behind me and saw Seth and Summer observing from a few steps away. 

"You won't come and see me, you won't return my calls or my emails, what am I supposed to think?" Julie snapped.

"He told you that it was over," I whispered. "You know that this can't go on."

"Shut the fuck up," Julie said immediately. "I've lost my husband, I've lost my daughter and I will not lose you, too," She said to Luke.

"Julie, just let it go," Luke replied, pale. 

I didn't expect her to hit him or I would have done something. Julie swung her oversized purse and knocked Luke against me causing all three of us to stumble.

"Fuck, lady!" Anna cursed as she regained her balance first. I glanced at Luke who was stunned but when I turned my attention back to Julie, I vaguely registered Summer and Seth yelling at me. Julie had a gun. A real fucking gun on the fucking front steps of her daughter's school. 

"Whoa, Julie, just calm down…" Luke whispered, raising his hands automatically in a defensive posture. I was vaguely aware of kids running in panic in several directions around me but Anna and I stayed where we were. 

"I won't let you leave me for some little tramp," Julie snapped and pointed the shiny silver pistol at Luke.

Luke had faced down a gun once before, he was getting serious combat hours this year. He looked like an animal caught in the headlights. He couldn't seem to believe that his lover was pointing a gun at him.

"Julie..." I started but she wouldn't take her attention from Luke's frozen form.

"Shut up," She snapped at me again. 

I slowly urged Anna behind me, hoping that she would take off to the safety of…of anywhere but here. She didn't run away, though. There was a slight pressure and I realized that she had looped her fingers through the belt loops of my jeans. I should run, too. But I couldn't leave Luke here. But I couldn't rush Marissa's mom, either. Someone had to do something. 

"Julie, let's just talk about this…" Luke said slowly.

"Oh, so now you want to talk, now you want to make it up to me? Well, you're too fucking late…" Julie hissed. Her hands were trembling. I hadn't even noticed how disheveled she was until she was pointing a gun on my friend. Her red hair was faded and I could see her brunette roots. She wasn't wearing makeup. She was wearing sweatpants. Julie Cooper owned sweatpants, who knew?

"You don't want to do this, Mrs. Cooper," I attempted again. Her gaze flickered toward me for an instant and I expected Luke to jump her but he didn't move. 

She didn't point the gun at me but she met my gaze. Her eyes were dark with depression. The woman really had lost everything. I could relate. But I'd never been upset enough to try and shoot anyone. Maybe a beating or two, but I didn't want to kill anyone. I had heard the sirens but they didn't register with me until I saw the officers tentatively approaching Julie from behind her. 

Julie saw my gaze waver from hers and she panicked. I saw her hands shaking worse. The recoil from the shot would probably knock her down. Something had to be done. What if the cops shot her? She was still Marissa's mom. 

"Ma'am, please put the gun away…" An officer was close now, with his gun drawn. He was flanked by a hoard of officers. Damn, I hate cops. 

"Oh god…" Julie lost her motivation suddenly and her entire body started to shake.

"Let's go…grab Luke, Ryan…" Anna whispered in my ear so only I could hear her voice. 

I glanced at Luke but he was still stricken, his eyes were locked on Julie and he was panicked. "Luke. Luke?" I called quietly, reaching over to try and get his attention. 

"Don't touch him!" Julie snapped immediately. I saw the flash of the gun before I heard the first shot. 

Everything seemed to happen in an instant but it was slow motion. Luke fell to the ground. I fell beside him. Anna screamed. Seth screamed. There were more gunshots before Julie Cooper was tackled by a huge policeman. 

Sandy was going to kill us for letting this happen. 

"Ryan. Ryan. Ryan." 

I glanced over at the source of my name and saw that I had knocked Anna down when I fell. I rolled off her. 

"Ryan?" Her eyes were dark with worry but before I could answer, Seth's pale visage came into my view.

"Ryan, are you all right?" Seth demanded. He grabbed my arms and pulled me to my feet.

"Where's Luke?" I asked. It was the only question that my brain could process right now.

"I'm all right," Luke said, he was on his feet now, too. He was shaking as he helped Anna to her feet. 

"Is everyone okay?" I asked.

"Are you kids okay?" A group of officers had descended upon us. Julie was gone, I guess one of the cops had taken her away.

"Who's bleeding?" Seth asked. Anna's clothes were bloody, mine were bloody and Luke was bloody. 

"It's not me…" Anna murmured, her eyes glazed with shock now that the gun was gone. 

I glanced down at myself to see if the blood was mine and I felt warmth trickling down my side. 

"Fuck…" Luke whispered. Summer was with us now and she had her hands clenched on Luke's bleeding arm. "I just got shot again…in the other arm…"

"At least you have matching scars," I murmured as Seth ignored me and was pulling at my shirt. 

"Ryan, you're bleeding…" Seth whispered. 

A chunk of my flesh was gone from my side and was bleeding freely. I didn't even feel it until I saw it but a wave of pain washed through me. I immediately felt dizzy. I hadn't been shot before. 

"Fuck…" I said and took several steps away from Seth. Anna and Seth immediately followed me. I felt like I was suffocating from their worry and I needed a minute to compose myself. I turned to leave but Seth took my arm and stopped me as he pressed his hand painfully into my injured side.

"Don't run…relax, okay?" Seth said. He was calm. Usually he was hyperactive and anything but calm but his brown eyes urged me to stop and stay still. 

"Okay…"

"It's okay, it's not that bad, all right? I think it just grazed you and the ambulance is almost here and you're going to be fine…" Seth said, his familiar babble returning. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Summer was looking at me, the cop having pulled Luke over to the steps and was holding a bandage on his arm.

"Yeah…" I replied as a cop came over to me and Seth.

"Let me take a look at that…" The officer said. I tensed up immediately. I knew they were there to help but I didn't trust cops. Ever. I should have run…

"I got it, just get the ambulance here," Seth snapped at the cop. 

The cop's face softened, he seemed to sense that Seth was being protective. "I just want to make sure your friend is okay."

"I'm okay, I'm fine…" I managed. 

"You want to sit down?" Seth asked me, giving the policeman a warning glare. 

Before I could answer, my dizziness got worse and everything started to spin. When I blinked again, I realized that I was on my ass on the sidewalk.

"You need to call your dad," I said to Seth who was standing beside me with a stricken expression. The cop was holding a bandage against my side. 

"Already done…what the fuck just happened?" He asked.

"Ryan?" Marissa's voice distracted me. She was standing at the top of the steps outside of the entrance to the school with Dr. Kim. 

"Fuck," Luke and I both said. 


	5. Five

_AN: Some of you may recognize this because I posted it before but there was a glaring mistake at the end that I had to take out. Thanks for the person that pointed out the mistake, it was so huge that it would have made the whole story unbelievable (yeah, I know, it's not really that believable now, but it would have been worse, I swear). Thanks for all the reviews and support. _

The cops forced us to go to the hospital. Luke and I were silent on the ambulance ride.

I hadn't expected Julie Cooper to snap. It never cursed my mind that she was that unstable. I mean, she was fucking her daughter's ex-boyfriend but that didn't make her crazy…just horny.

"Hey, Chino?" Luke called.

"Yeah?"

"You look a little green, man," Luke replied. He seemed relieved that I'd answered him.

"That shit was surreal," I said.

"Hell, yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too," Luke sighed.

"What are you going to tell your folks?" I asked.

"The truth."

"Ouch," I sympathized.

"I have to tell Marissa, too," He said quietly.

"Do you want me to tell her?" I hoped he'd say no but I felt like I should offer.

"No, dude, it has to come from me."

I nodded. Whatever the EMT had given me was making me dizzy.

"Are you okay, man?" Luke asked.

"Do you feel all…spacy?" I asked.

"Nah, man…" Luke nudged the paramedic. "Check on my man, there," He urged.

The paramedic shined a light in my eyes and took my blood pressure.

My cell phone rang. I glanced at Luke with an amused smile. "Should I get it?"

Luke smiled. "Yeah."

I flipped it open, ignoring the paramedic's scolding.

"Yeah?"

"Where are you?" Sandy.

"In the ambulance…"

"We're at the hospital waiting for you…"

"Oh. Okay." It was nice that he was waiting for me. He sounded worried.

"Are you all right?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I answered. He really sounded worried. "I'll see you in a few minutes." I flipped the phone closed.

"Sandy?"

"Yeah." I lost my vision for a moment and when I blinked again, I saw the ceiling of the ambulance. "Dizzy…"

"You're still bleeding," Luke said distantly.

"Really?" I muttered. My side really hurt now.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"If you die, Cohen's going to kill me…"

I smiled. Seth was pretty protective back at the school. "If I die, I'll kill you myself…"

"We're pulling in now," The paramedic told me. I nodded. I was dizzy. I'd just close my eyes until I got my bearings.

"He lost a lot of blood but he should be fine. The bullet passed through cleanly and he can go home in a few hours," Someone was saying.

"Thank you, doctor," Kirsten said. I was in so much trouble. Kirsten and Sandy were here and I bet they were angry. More publicity they didn't need.

"He looks so young…so pale," Sandy said quietly.

"I'm going to talk to Seth and the girls," Kirsten said.

I had to wake up eventually. I opened my eyes. "Hey."

"Ryan, you had us worried…" Kirsten smiled, relieved. She was holding my hand.

"Sorry…" I couldn't contain my wince as I focused on alertness.

"How do you feel?" Sandy asked.

"I'm okay…"

"You were shot, Ryan," Kirsten frowned.

"I mean, I'm shot, but I'm cool. How's Luke?"

"Talking to his parents," Sandy replied.

"Julie Cooper, I'd like to throttle her…" Kirsten hissed.

"I had no idea she'd snap," Sandy replied.

"You should've told me…" Kirsten snapped.

"Why? What could you have done?" Sandy asked.

"I could've talked to her or something…"

"It isn't our business. It was Luke's problem," I said. They shouldn't be fighting about this. Kirsten and Sandy shouldn't fight.

"Well, Luke's problem almost got you killed today," Kirsten said quietly.

I sighed. She was right. But I thought I'd done the right thing. I told Luke to get out of the relationship. We told Sandy. I stood by my friend…

"Ryan?" Kirsten called.

I hadn't realized that I'd closed my eyes.

"You're not in trouble, kid, you didn't do anything wrong," Sandy said.

"We don't care, bitch, we're going!" Summer's voice was shrill from outside the room. Summer burst into the room, pulling Anna and Seth by their arms and immediately followed by a nurse and several orderlies.

"Summer, what…" Sandy started.

"They are freaking out. Luke just got discharged and I swear that Cohen was about to cry," Summer said.

"It's okay, nurse," Kirsten said and the frazzled nurse and orderlies left.

"Dude, are you okay?" Seth asked. I slapped his hand. His face was drawn with barely contained panic.

"Yeah."

"Really? 'Cause you look awful," Anna whispered.

"We're going to fill out some paperwork," Sandy said.

"The police want to talk to you," Kirsten added quietly.

"What should I say?" I looked at Sandy for guidance.

"Oh, maybe that Julie and Luke were lovers?" Anna murmured.

"The truth, Ryan. Don't lie. It's all going to come out," Sandy said. He followed Kirsten from the room.

"You knew?" Seth asked me.

"Yeah," I whispered. "For a couple of days."

"But you made him stop seeing her, didn't you?" Anna asked.

"I didn't make Luke do anything," I replied. He did everything on his own. "I just offered my advice."

"Marissa's a wreck," Summer offered.

"We didn't want to upset her, that's why he ended it," I sighed.

"Julie is really nuts, Ryan," Anna murmured.

"What did she say to you?" I asked.

Anna's eyes flashed darkly. "I'll tell you later. I don't feel like going through it again." I noticed Seth give her a curious glance. She hadn't told anyone, it seemed. She took my hand and I squeezed hers with a sigh.

"So, Luke's already out?" I questioned.

"Yeah, but his parents are pissed and they wouldn't let him say anything to us. His mom had his good arm in a death grip," Seth replied. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me, too. That was pretty fucked up back there."

"You guys were all stupid for not taking off as soon as you saw that gun," Summer said.

"It happened too fast," Anna murmured, looking at me. She was more upset that I'd expected. She'd probably never been that close to a gun before.

"We saw Ryan push you behind him but you…" Summer started.

"I latched on. I couldn't just leave them there…" Anna said. "I was scared as hell…"

"It's all over now. Everyone's okay," Seth started.

Anna started to cry and surprisingly, Summer pulled her into a hug.

"This sucks, man," Seth whispered to me.

"I know." I felt like I needed to say something to Seth. He'd really helped out back at the school, he'd kept me calm.

"What?" Seth asked, conscious of my thoughtfulness.

"Thanks. For keeping me from running off back on the steps," I said.

"Yeah, what was that all about?" Seth replied.

"I don't know…but thanks."

"No problem."

Summer and Anna followed us home from the hospital. Luckily, Sandy was in the car with me and wouldn't let Seth or Kirsten interrogate me too much. The cops had already done that. About halfway home, Kirsten started flipping through my medical papers.

"Ryan, you're allergic to codeine?" She asked me.

"Yeah," I replied. I'd told the paramedic as soon as he approached me.

"Did you know that?" She asked Sandy.

"You should tell us stuff like that," Seth said from beside me.

"I told the EMT," I replied. I didn't see the big deal.

"But what if you were unconscious or something?" Seth asked quietly.

"Oh." Good question. I hadn't considered that before.

"You've had surgery?" Kirsten continued.

"Ruptured appendix when I was thirteen," I replied. This should be loads of fun.

"Harsh," Seth whispered. I rolled my eyes at him and he gave me a wan smile.

"Broken bones? That one's blank," She said, turning in the seat to give me a curious look.

"I told the doctor, there must've not been enough room," I joked. She frowned at me. "Okay, I broke my arm a couple of times, my collarbone, my wrist, my leg and ankle once…is that enough?"

Seth shook his head at me. "She's never going to let it go, now," He said quietly.

"Can I have those papers?" I attempted. I knew she wouldn't give them up but I had to try.

"It's all in his child services file," Sandy said quietly.

I closed my eyes. I knew they had my files but I hadn't let myself think about them reading them. I wasn't proud of whatever was in there. I'd always wondered how my life would look to an outsider in tight little print in a folder. All my sins and my parent's sins classified into paragraphs.

"Ryan?"

I regarded Seth tiredly.

"We're almost home," Seth said.

I nodded and let my eyes drift closed again.


	6. Six

Seth woke me once we pulled into the driveway.  I was drowsy and my side hurt like hell and I was glad that Seth was staying close to me.  He could deflect his parents' questions and I was actually too tired to be able to walk straight.  I'd never admit that to the Cohens, though, and Seth seemed to understand.  He kept his hand gripped tightly on my forearm as we walked into the house. 

Sandy and Kirsten paused in the kitchen. 

"Ryan…" Sandy started.

"Dad, he's had a long day, I think he should lie down," Seth said quietly. 

"I didn't mean to upset you…" Kirsten whispered.  She looked more upset than I felt.

"You didn't upset me, it's nothing.  I'm just really, really tired…" I lied.  I wanted to lie down but more importantly I wanted to avoid the uncomfortable conversations that were coming up. 

"I'm going to take him out to the poolhouse…" Seth said.  Anna and Summer joined us in the kitchen.  I'd forgotten they were behind us.  I had to talk to Anna.

"Maybe you should stay in the guest room in case you need something…" Sandy offered.

"I'll be fine," I said.

"I'll stay with him," Seth offered immediately. 

"We'll make sure he gets some rest," Summer said, taking my free arm.  She had Anna by her arm as well and we walked past the Cohens in a weird human chain.

"So, Chino.  You okay?" Summer asked as we walked.  She released my arm.

"Yeah…" I muttered.  I was okay.  I'd be okay as soon as I sat down.

"What happened in the car?  The Cohens are acting all weird," She added.

I shrugged off Seth's arm as we reached the poolhouse.  I sat down on the bed.  "Nothing." I noticed Seth giving her a warning glare.  Anna sat down beside me. 

"You think Luke's okay?" She asked quietly.

"If his parents don't kill him, he'll be fine.  Are you okay?"

"She was fucking crazy, Ryan," Anna whispered.

"What did she say to you?" I asked.  Summer and Seth were silent, listening curiously from the couch nearby.  We had no secrets anymore, though. 

"She was fucking crazy.  She said…the worst things about you and Luke…she said I was fucking him, and you know…"

"I know…" I nodded.  I hated that Julie had dragged her into this.  Luke dragged me in, I dragged Sandy and then Julie fucking dragged in the whole town.  I wasn't sleepy anymore.  I just wanted my friends to feel better.  I wanted Seth to stop looking at me like I was about to collapse.  I wanted Anna to not have those crystal tears in her eyes. 

"She said you took her daughter from her and now you were taking Luke, too, like you did it to hurt her…she's…"

"Fucking crazy," I nodded.

"But…"

"Anna, she's out of her head.  I mean, Luke tried to do the right thing, he tried to break it off and she just…flipped…" I explained. 

"How's Marissa?" Anna asked, turning to Summer.

"She's upset.  Her dad's with her.  Says she doesn't want to see anyone," Summer replied. 

"How are you feeling, man?" Seth asked.

"Better now that I'm sitting…" I answered honestly.  We all turned at the quiet knock on the door.

"Hey, guys," Luke said, stepping in.

"Hey, man, how're you feeling?" Seth asked as he stepped in.

I could tell that he was upset.  Who wouldn't be?  His 'fling' had turned into an all out tragedy.  I couldn't imagine what his parents were saying to him. 

"How much trouble are you in?" I asked.

"Enough to make me sneak out of the house.  What are you guys doing?" Luke asked. 

"Ryan looked like he was about to fall over so we're just keeping him company," Seth replied.

"You guys want to get out of here?" Luke asked.

"We really shouldn't, I mean…you guys are both pretty messed up…" Seth said quietly.

"Please?  I just…I'm going crazy at my house and I really don't want to be alone…" Luke admitted. 

"The Cohens will kill me if I go out…"

"Come on, man.  We'll just go down to the beach for a while.  An hour, tops…"

I couldn't tell him no, no matter how much pain I was in.  He took a bullet, too and he had to deal with the whole community knowing about his mistake.  I pulled myself to my feet, ignoring a worried glare from Seth. 

"Thank god…" Luke said, relieved.

"This is a bad idea.  I'm on record with that, right?" Summer asked.

"Noted," I replied.  I pulled Anna by the hand and we stepped out onto the patio.  Seth and Summer were close behind and we all piled into Luke's truck after sneaking around the edge of the house.  I sat in the back between Summer and Seth.  Anna rode up front with Luke.  They had things to discuss. 

"Dude.  Are you sure you're okay for this?" Seth asked once the truck rolled to a stop.

"Yeah.  I mean, Luke's in an assload of trouble with his parents and he needs our support right now…"

"But you've been giving him support for days now, dude…you look awful.  Totally awful," Seth whispered over the sound of the waves nearby.

"I'm cool.  Don't worry, Seth…"

"You're not indestructible and if you fall the fuck over then…" Seth continued.

"He's stubborn.  Let him fall the fuck over if he wants," Summer shoved her boyfriend.

They hopped out of the bed of the truck.  Seth turned to see if I needed assistance.

I was fine at first, I put one foot on the sand and as I brought the other one down, I stumbled. 

"See?  That's what I'm talking about," Seth said as he kept me from falling face first on the sand by steadying me with my shoulders.

"Thanks."

We turned to see Anna and Luke still in the cab of the truck.

"Looks like Luke really just wanted to talk to Anna…" Seth said slowly.

"What's the scoop, Chino?  Who's got the hots for who?" Summer asked with a grin.  I glanced at Seth, half-expecting jealousy but all I saw was unbridled curiosity.

"You're seriously holding out on me.  Luke's fucking Julie Cooper, Anna and Luke are flirting, what else do you know?" Seth teased.

"What are you guys talking about?" Anna asked, walking up.

"I need to talk to you," Luke said before we could respond.  He pulled my by the arm away from the truck and onto the beach.

"What's going on?" I asked, wrenching my arm out of his grasp. 

"Sorry," He apologized.  "My arm's pretty numb…"

"What's up?" I sat down on the beach before we got too far from the truck.  I knew I didn't want to get too far away from my exit. 

"I think I ruined all my chances with Anna, dude…" He sighed, sitting down beside me.  He pulled a pint of vodka out of his pocket and took a generous swig before offering it to me.

Painkillers.  Alcohol.  I knew it was a bad idea but I took a couple of swallows anyway.  I was so tired, the worst it would do was make me sleep harder. 

"Why do you say that?  I mean, didn't you guys talk it out?" I knew they had talked about something but I didn't know what.

"She says that she really likes me but that…she thinks of me differently now.  Being with an older woman apparently gives me too much experience and…"

"She thinks you'll expect something from her if you guys start dating.  Like sex, right?"

"Yeah, man, how'd you…"

"Marissa and I, we didn't sleep together.  It was a huge thing between us.  She knew I'd been with a lot of women and she'd only been with you…she wasn't comfortable with me," I shrugged.  "Until we broke up and then she just went nympho…" I muttered.  I could feel the alcohol already.

"So what did you do?  How'd you get her?"

"You really like Anna, don't you?"

"Yeah.  I do."  He took another swallow of vodka and passed the bottle to me.

"Drinking?  What the hell is wrong with you?  You can't drink, neither of you should be drinking!" Anna scolded, startling us both. 

"Come on, Anna…" Luke said.  I hadn't realized that he was slurring until now.  It was mildly hilarious and I started to laugh.

She sat down beside us in the sand.  I glanced over to the truck and saw that Summer and Seth were making out in the back. 

"Sorry.  Got a lot on my mind," Luke said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Luke."

I was intruding on their conversation but Luke glanced at me and I knew that he didn't want me to leave.  I didn't anticipate that having his back would involve taking a bullet from his crazy lover or sitting in on his private conversations. 

"I really like you, but…"

"It was a mistake.  I…I cared about her, Anna…but I care about you more.  Me and Julie, it was purely sexual but you and me…we're not like that.  I don't want another relationship like that…" Luke was saying.

I'd like a purely sexual relationship right about now.  It sounded nice, but I knew that it wasn't what I wanted.  I didn't know what I wanted.  I could have a no-strings relationship with Teresa but I'd always wonder about Marissa.  And Marissa wanted a long term commitment but I couldn't promise that.  I was better off on my own.  Just look at Luke.  He got the woman of his dreams and she ended up shooting him and ruining his chances with the girl he really liked.

"Luke, I don't know…" Anna was saying.

"I'm the same guy, Anna.  I mean, I messed up, I made a mistake but I tried to fix it…" Luke slurred. 

"You guys are getting too heavy.  Anna, do you like Luke?" I asked.

"Of course…" She said entirely too quickly.

"Then why don't you see where it goes?  It's just a date, it's not marriage, it's not hot fiery sex…" I continued.

"Fiery?  Where's that word coming from?" Luke laughed.

I glared at him.  "It's just a date.  It won't hurt anything.  But this…thing that you're doing, it's going to ruin your friendship.  And I like having new friends.  Good friends that get along…"

"You're drunk.  You just said, like, three sentences in a row," Anna teased.

"Drunk?  They're drinking?  Okay, guys, we have to go, like, now.  This is not cool," Seth approached.

"Can't either of you read?  Those painkillers are not supposed to be mixed with alcohol!" Summer scolded.  "We are out of here.  Now.  Get up."

I accepted Seth's offered hand but I was too lightheaded to get up on the first try.  I vaguely heard Luke laughing at me as I fell back to the sand on my ass, sending a wave of pain through my body.  When I tried again, I succeeded and Summer and Seth steadied me by taking an arm each. 

Luke got to his feet and as I turned to check on him, I saw Anna stand up on her tiptoes and kiss Luke on the lips.

"Whoa…" Summer said, surprised.  "I guess we'll be over here," She laughed, leading me toward the truck.

I didn't feel good all of a sudden.  The vodka seemed to be bubbling in my empty stomach.  I hadn't eaten today, between the hospital and the interrogation on the ride home, I hadn't felt like eating but putting the alcohol on top of all the drugs in my system was obviously not a good idea. 

"Chino?  Are you okay?" Summer asked.  I felt like I was turning green.

"He's stupid, that's what he is…drinking…Dad's going to kill you…" Seth was muttering.

"I think I really need to lie down now…" I felt my cell phone buzzing.  "Shit…"

"Busted," Summer said.  "You better answer it."

I put it to my ear.  "Hello?"

"Ryan?"

Marissa.

"Hey.  How are you?" I staggered away from Summer and Seth and leaned against Luke's truck unsteadily.  I slowly lowered myself to the ground so I could lean on the oversized tire. 

"I can't believe you didn't tell me…"

"I'm sorry…"

"I thought you cared about me, didn't you think I'd want to know if my ex-boyfriend was fucking my mom?"

"Marissa…"

"No.  Don't.  I've been stressing out, trying to think of ways to get you to forgive me…and you've been hiding this the whole time…I can't believe it…"

"Listen…"

"Fuck you, fuck Luke and fuck my mother.  She should've had better aim when she took her shot…"

I listened to the dial tone for a long moment before flipping it closed. 

"Ryan?" Seth called.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah.  I'm fine."  She had a right to be angry.  I'd hurt her.  It was only natural for her to try and hurt me back.  I deserved her anger.  At least it was an emotion that I could deal with.

"Ryan?  You don't look so good…" Summer said.

"I said I'm fine.  Stop asking me…" I didn't mean to snap at her but she didn't seem upset since she replied almost immediately.

"Well, you're sitting on the dirt and you're about to fall over.  I think you should get home."

My phone buzzed again. 

"Don't answer that, dude, if she's going to yell at you…" Seth warned but I had already hit the button.

"Where are you?  Ryan?"

"Hey.  Sorry…"

"No apologies.  I want you home now.  Is Luke with you?  Is Seth in on this?"

"Sandy…"

"Now, Ryan.  I want all of you home, now.  Where are you, should I come get you?"

"No…"

"Luke's parents are worried sick…"

"Sandy…"

"Ten minutes.  If you're not here in ten minutes, we're calling the police.  I'm serious, Ryan.  This is serious.  Come home."

I didn't know what I was supposed to say and I was too loopy at this point to even try to think of a valid response.  I listened in silence as Kirsten's voice took over.

"Ryan.  Please.  Bring Luke and the kids with you.  You shouldn't be out in your condition.  Are you okay?"

"Yes.  I'm fine…"

"You don't sound fine, honey…"

"I swear, I'm fine…"

"Come home so we can see for ourselves.  Okay?"

"Okay."

I flipped the phone closed.  Seth, Anna, Summer and Luke were all standing around me. 

"We have to go," I said.  Face the music yet again.

We rode back in virtual silence.  I'd already decided to take the blame, tell the Cohens the truth that Seth, Summer and Anna had only come along to make sure we were okay.  I couldn't really cover for Luke since he had driven us to the beach.  Anna was driving back. 

Kirsten and Sandy were waiting on the front porch. 

"What the hell were you thinking?  You were shot today and you decided that you needed a night out?" Sandy took my arm and helped me out of the truck.  I was surprised when he pulled me into a hug.  "You scared the hell out of me…"

"I'm sorry…"

Sandy pulled away and looked at me in surprise.  "Drinking, Ryan?"

Damn.  "I don't have an excuse, Sandy.  I'm sorry.  It's been a long day."

Sandy's face was drawn with worry and confusion.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, I'm going to drive Luke home," Anna said quietly.

"Thank you, Anna," Kirsten said.

"Thanks for coming out with me, guys.  It was all my idea," Luke added.

"Get some rest, Luke," Sandy replied.

I didn't think I could stand up much longer.  I was dizzy.  I felt like I was about to pass out where I stood.

"Ryan?  Ryan, honey, come inside." Kirsten took my arm and led me inside.  "Sit down."

I obeyed her, sitting down on the couch.  She sat down beside me.

"Honey, why did you run off?"

"Luke needed to get out.  He's pretty upset…"

"He's a big boy.  And you were drinking…have you even eaten today?"

I didn't answer.  She was right.  It was a stupid idea.  Luke could take care of himself.

"You have to rest.  And you're grounded."

I nodded.

"You're sleeping in the house tonight.  You've been drinking and you're heavily medicated.  I want to make sure you're okay."

I nodded again.  "I'm sorry."

"I know you are.  I want you to eat something, okay?"

I wasn't hungry but I didn't argue.  She got up and I leaned back on the couch.  I closed my eyes to try and stop the spinning.

-----

I heard voices.  Sandy and Kirsten

"You can't be serious, Sandy."

"I am.  She'll be out by next week.  And there's no way we can protect the kids."

"You can't think she'll try again."

"She's obsessed with Luke.  And according to Anna, she blames Ryan for losing him.  I'm getting a restraining order against her for the kids."

I opened my eyes and focused on their quiet voices.  I was still on the couch.  Damn.  My side hurt.  I was cold.  It was freezing in here.

"Morning, kid," Sandy smiled.

"Hey."

"You fell asleep and we didn't want to wake you.  I'll get you some breakfast," Kirsten said.

"Sandy…"

"You're a teenager, Ryan," Sandy sighed.  "I know that you're going to drink but…"

"It was stupid."

"It was dangerous.  Now, you've got a lot on your mind but we're worried about you, we're worried about your health.  We need to know if you're even thinking about going anywhere…"

"Kirsten grounded me."

"Oh.  Okay.  That's great." He glanced at me, startled.  "I mean, not for you, but…"

I smiled despite my anxiety.  He was upset at me but he was still planning on giving me my freedom.  "Thanks, Sandy.  And Seth, he only went last night to watch me, he was against the whole thing…"

"He still should have stopped you."

"Luke and I are bigger than him."

"I'm glad that you guys look out for each other.  But you both have to start looking out for yourselves.  How do you feel today?"

"I'm okay."

"Honestly?"

"My side hurts like a bitch and I'm probably going to throw up whatever Kirsten gives me for breakfast," I said quietly.  That was honest.  I was sweating but it was too cold for me to mention that.

"You shouldn't take your pain pills on an empty stomach.  Is it your hangover?"

"I'm not hungover."  It was true.  I just wasn't hungry.  Julie Cooper was going to go free.  Marissa wished I was dead.  I'd disappointed the Cohens yet again.  I wasn't hungry.  My mind was just too full.

Sandy was watching me.  He was trying to read me.  For the first time in years, I'd found someone who could see through my walls, someone that could read me.  I was trying to find ways around it.

"Marissa called for you last night," He said quietly.

"I talked to her."

"I guess she was upset."

"Yeah."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Well, I wish I could tell you that she'd get over it but I don't know if she can.  It shouldn't have happened."

I nodded.  He was right. 

"Soup.  For breakfast.  Since its noon."  Kirsten returned with a tray. 

"Where's Seth?"

"School.  Anna and Summer picked him up."

Anna and Summer have bonded and I realized that Luke was probably having a good day, too, after the kiss from Anna the night before. 

"Try and eat.  Then we can change your bandages and we'll leave you alone."

"You both stayed home today?"

"Kirsten's working from home and my case is on a 3 day recess.  So, yes," Sandy said.

"Eat," Kirsten said.

I glanced at her for an instant and got a vision of her spoon feeding me.  I started to eat the soup.  It was steaming but it did nothing for my chills.  I was exhausted suddenly.  The soup was good but my stomach rumbled its disapproval.

"You grounded him?"

"Yeah.  I thought we agreed…"

"Yes, but…"

It was surreal.  I had two parents now that actually gave a damn about me.  I had cost them hundreds of dollars yesterday plus violated their rules.  And neither of them had touched me in punishment.  Dawn and my father wouldn't have been angry about the drinking but would have been angry about the money for the ER and the police attention.  The standards were so different here but I'd still managed to mess up.

"Ryan, the soup…" Kirsten grabbed for the tray but it fell to the floor.  I was dizzy and didn't seem to have control of my limbs for the moment.

"Ryan, are you all right?  You just sort of went limp there for a second…" Sandy had my shoulders.

"Tired," I managed.  I think my teeth chattered.

"Ryan, look at me…god…you're burning up…Kirsten…" Sandy had his hands on my cheeks. 

"It's cold in here, Sandy, I'm not hot…"

"Ryan, you have a fever…" Kirsten was beside me now, too.

Damn.

"I'll call the doctor," Sandy said.

"You need to drink liquids, honey." She handed me a bottle of juice.  "You're cold?"

I didn't answer but she draped a blanket around my shoulders.  I was grateful and pulled it tight, trying to stay warm.

"Can I check your bandage?"

I leaned up and lowered the blanket.  I pulled up my shirt and winced at my own touch.  It was damned sore. 

"I don't want to hurt you but I need to see…" She gently lifted the tape and pulled the gauze up.  I looked away.  It hurt and I didn't want her to see the tears in my eyes.  Damn…

"Ryan, I'm finished," She said quietly.  She gently sat down beside me and brushed my hair out of my eyes.  All the gentle touches had thrown me at first but now I was used to them.  "I think you know what's going to happen."

"Please, not the hospital…"

"Hospital," Sandy said, returning. 

"I took the antibiotics, I took the painkillers…I swear that I'll be fine…" I didn't want to go back to the hospital.  It would cost more money and they'd poke and prod me more, and Seth would be really upset if I wasn't there when he got home. 

"Ryan.  You're running a fever.  I think you pulled some stitches out.  Did you fall down at all last night?" Kirsten was being extra gentle. 

"I don't think so…"

"The doctor says that if you have a fever that you need to get checked out, Ryan.  Okay?" Sandy asked.  "Ryan?"

"Whatever you think."

"Do you want to get washed up?" Kirsten asked quietly.  I nodded.  I tried to get up on my own but I had no strength and ended up sitting back down immediately.  Damn, I was really tired.

"Okay.  Let's get you into the car…" Sandy said. 

----

I fell asleep as soon as the ER put me into a bed.  I was tired and instead of being frozen, I felt like I was on fire.  I was still hot when I woke up and I could tell that something had happened while I was asleep.  Kirsten was sitting beside me.  Close.  She was holding my hand. 

"Kirsten?"

"Hey, honey.  How do you feel?" She smiled at me, relieved.

"Hot…what's wrong?  You look upset…" My throat was sore.  I really felt sick now.

"You scared us.  You're fever still hasn't broken and you've been a little out of it," She admitted.

"Out of it?"

"You didn't recognize me.  Or Sandy.  But it's okay…"

"Sorry…"

"You're apologizing for something that's out of your control, Ryan.  You're sick, but you're going to be fine…"

My side hurt and I glanced down but she wouldn't release my hand.

"They had to fix your side again…"

"What happened?  I don't remember…"

"You somehow got sand in your wound, Ryan.  That little trip to the beach last night was definitely not good for you.  But you're going to be fine…let me get another cold cloth for your head…"

"No, it's okay…" But she was already on her feet.  She put a cold cloth across my forehead and I had to admit, it felt better.  Cool. 

"They've got you hooked up to saline, trying to keep you hydrated.  Are you all right?"

"I'm okay.  What time is it?"

"It's a little after four…"

I closed my eyes. 

"Get some rest, Ryan."

"Thanks…"

----

"It's just a fever, you guys…" Anna was saying.

"This is all Luke's fault, he dragged Ryan out last night and now he's on his deathbed…" Seth responded.

"He's not dying, he's just sleeping…" Summer said. 

"He's been here all day and his fever hasn't broken, Mom and Dad are freaking out…"

"Kirsten said I was going to be fine," I opened my blurry eyes and regarded him.

"Ryan…yeah, you're going to be fine, Seth's just overreacting like always," Summer said gently.

"How are you feeling?" Anna moved beside my bed. 

"I'm okay.  Sick.  Seth says I'm dying so I kind of wish I'd stayed asleep," I glared at him.  I wasn't mad, I just wanted to tease him. 

"You're not dying, but you're really sick.  They're going to make you stay overnight…" Seth began.

"Seth, it's already, like, eight…" Summer muttered.

"It's eight?  Damn…" I had no idea I'd slept that long. 

"Guys, chill," Anna said quietly.

I looked at her.  She was worried, too.  It was weird, having these people that were strangers to me only a few months ago, actually worrying about me.  Anna and Luke had come through for me as real friends and Seth had turned out to be a better brother than my real one.  I had so many things to be thankful for now.  Sandy and Kirsten were taking care of me, even though I had let them down.  I had taken a bullet for my once arch-enemy and lost the girl that I thought I loved.  Things were changing so fast, it seemed each week brought a different drama for us to deal with. 

"Dude?  You're spacing out," Seth's voice brought me back to reality.

"Overnight, huh?" I sighed.  I was still damned tired. 

"Just relax, Ryan.  Sandy and Kirsten are meeting with the doctor now, maybe it won't be so bad," Anna said gently.

"It's not bad…I'm just tired…and hot…or cold…I don't even know anymore," I muttered.  I was glad they were there but I wished we were anywhere but here. 

"They don't know we're here, well, all of us at once, anyway," Summer started.  "But after all the drama of yesterday, we had to make sure you were okay."

"I think I'm okay."

"Your side is infected…does it hurt?" Anna asked.

She had to know the answer to that.  "No.  It's cool.  Thanks for coming, you guys…"

"I'm not leaving.  But you girls better get out of here before Mom gets back," Seth said suddenly.

"Kirsten's on the warpath.  We'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Anna smiled.  Summer was kissing Seth goodbye.

"Hey, Anna.  How's Luke?" I called as they walked away. 

She smiled at me.  "He's grounded.  But he's fine.  We're fine."

"Good to hear."

"Dude.  Now that the ladies are gone, how are you really doing?"

"I'm okay, Seth.  Seriously.  Your mom says it's nothing so I have to believe her…"

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Relax."  He was seriously worrying me.  He couldn't keep his hands still and his brown eyes were bright with anxiety.

"Ryan…"

"Dude, I'm cool.  I'm sorry about last night…"

"That was Luke's fault…" Seth started.

"I didn't have to go with him."

Seth was quiet.  "It's hard, Ryan."

"What?" I'm confused.

"Luke came last night, asking you to do something totally stupid and you went.  But…it's hard for me to accept that Luke's your best friend now…"

"What are you talking about?"

"I guess, I'm jealous, man.  Like, not in a boyfriend kind of way but…I fucked up.  Last night, if I had asked you to stay, not to go out to the beach…you would have still gone.  Because I didn't believe you about Oliver…"

"Seth, it's not like that."  I didn't think it was like that. 

"Are you sure?  I mean, I don't blame you but..."

"Luke's a friend, Seth.  I'm trying to be his friend.  You're…you're family…it's different.  Damn, man, the way shit goes around here, I'll probably be kicking his ass again next week.  Seth?" If he started to cry, I was calling the nurse.

"But last night…I told you it was a bad idea…"

"Dude, when have you ever listened to me when I told you something was a bad idea?  Tijuana?  Donnie's party?  Man, I just wanted to help Luke out.  I'd have done the same for you…"

Seth sighed. 

Sandy and Kirsten stepped in.  I was glad that the conversation was over.  I couldn't convince Seth of anything, he'd have to come around on his own.


	7. Fin

**_AN: Guess what? I finished another one! Woohoo! Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to continue this and enjoyed reading it. Closure is a beautiful thing and I hope I can get that here. _**

* * *

"Come on, kid, let's see those eyes…"

I definitely didn't recognize that voice.

God, I felt like hell. I opened my eyes and realized that I was still in the hospital.

"There they are…welcome back…" A nurse smiled at me.

"What's going on?"

"You've been out of it for a while…you're very sick…"

"Sick?" What was she talking about?

"You're getting over a pretty serious staph infection. I'll get your family."

Damn. That sounded bad. That must be why my whole body hurts.

"Ryan?" Sandy stepped inside. He looked exhausted.

"You look like hell," I said.

He smiled, relieved. "You're one to talk. How do you feel?"

"Tired. Sore."

"You've been unconscious for two days."

"Two days? What? Are you serious?"

"It's okay, you're awake now…the doctors say you're on the mend…"

"Two days? God, Sandy…" I've never lost that much time.

"It's okay, kid," He said with a sad smile. "You needed the rest so your body could recover."

I shook my head. This was unbelievable.

"Relax. They're taking good care of you…"

"God…all of this because I went to the beach?"

"You could have gotten it from a lot of places, it's under control, Ryan." He put his hand on my arm. "You're going to be fine."

God, I hated being scared. And I hated letting people see that I was scared even more. And I was fucking scared and Sandy knew it. I'd never been sick enough to be in the hospital this long.

"Ryan?"

I didn't know how to answer him.

"Come on, kid, say something…"

"I don't like being sick."

"You're doing much better. You'll be home before you know it."

I nodded and he seemed satisfied.

* * *

"Wake up. Wake up."

I wanted to sleep but I recognized that voice. Julie Cooper. Oh shit. I was too weak to be able to get away.

"Wake up!" She hissed and I gasped in pain as she shoved my wounded side.

She was standing over me.

"You're going to get Luke to come here."

"What?" She slapped me. Damn, she had an arm.

"He won't talk to me…"

"You shot him…"

"I'm sorry about that…"

Julie was a lot like her daughter. She assumed that she could be forgiven for attempting to kill Luke.

"But he won't talk to me. There are these bodyguards always with him…so you're going to get him for me…"

"No way, Julie…you tried to kill him…"

"I'd never hurt him…" She snapped. "I love him…"

"So you shot him?" I deserved that slap.

"Get up."

"What?"

She pulled the IV out of my arm swiftly. "You're going to get Luke for me…"

"Julie, why are you doing this?"

She regarded me for a long moment. "Because I love him."

"He doesn't love you. If he loved you, don't you think he'd fight for you?" My own words echoed in my head. My mother hadn't fought for me. But the Cohens…I'd like to think they'd fight for me. But where were they?

"Get up," She ordered.

I slowly sat up and immediately saw stars. My vision went dark for a moment. She grabbed me, her hand brushed my bandage and the pain snapped me back to full consciousness.

I felt the nurse button under my hand as I swung my legs off the bed. I pushed the button. Hopefully someone would come.

"You think you know so much, but you're just a fucking kid…"

"Julie…" I was really fucking weak and I didn't know if I could stand.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are. You don't belong here, you don't know anything about this town…" She snapped.

"And you do? You're throwing your life away over your daughter's ex-boyfriend, a kid…you have to know that this is crazy…"

"Shut up. Here." She dropped sneakers on the floor in front of me. I was wearing sweatpants and I didn't remember putting them on. 2 days unconscious, there's no telling who dressed and undressed me.

"Let's go." I glanced at her. I saw the gun in her hand for the first time. It was a different gun but just as dangerous.

I slowly stood up and shakily took a step. Everything was spinning but she grabbed my arm and shoved me toward the door.

"Go. You first."

I stepped into the hallway and immediately heard my name.

"Ryan? You can't be out of bed…" Kirsten was down the hall at the nurse's station.

Julie stepped out behind me. She held my arm tightly.

"It's cool, Kirsten, everything's fine," I said quietly.

"We need security," I heard Kirsten say.

"You come with me. Don't make me hurt her. You're not worth anything but she's worth millions…"

It wasn't about the money. Kirsten was special. She was a pure soul. I wouldn't let her get hurt.

"Ryan. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, she just wants…"

Julie shoved me. "I can speak for myself."

"Julie, let him go." Sandy's voice was behind us.

"No. He's going to take me to Luke," Julie snapped.

"Julie, he can't take you to Luke," Sandy said. "Luke's parents took him out of town."

Julie looked at me. "Is that true?"

"I don't…"

She shoved me against the wall and pain coursed through my body. "Is it true?"

"I don't know, Julie, I haven't seen him since I've been in here…." I said, barely holding myself upright by bracing myself against the wall. She had her gun trained on me.

"It's over, Julie…" Sandy said. He had armed officers with him and his voice was closer now.

"I won't go to jail…This is all your fault…" Julie said right before the guards tackled her. The gun fell out of her grasp and skittered across the floor. It didn't go off.

"Ryan…" Sandy was in front of me, holding me by my shoulders. "Look at me, Ryan…"

I met his gaze. I didn't think I was capable of speech.

"Did she hurt you?"

"No…I'm okay…" I thought I was okay.

"Let's get you back into bed…"

I let him lead me past the cops that were pulling Julie down the hall.

"Ryan, its okay…" Kirsten appeared on my empty side and they supported me back into the room.

"Are you sure she didn't hurt you?" Sandy asked once I was seated on the bed again.

"No…I'm completely intact…" I thought I was. Kirsten was searching my body for injuries anyway.

"We were down the hall talking to the police…she must have walked right by us…" Sandy said quietly.

"I was sleeping. I woke up and she was here…"

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kirsten asked. Damn, they'd asked me that enough times, you'd think they didn't believe me.

"Yeah…I mean, I'm totally freaked but…yeah…I'm okay…"

"Lie down. The doctor's on his way," Sandy said.

"When can I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow at the earliest," Sandy replied.

I relaxed against the bed, pulling my legs up.

"Just get some rest. We'll be right here."

I hoped so. I closed my eyes.

* * *

The doctors released me the next day. I knew that I'd been pretty sick but I was a little hurt that Seth hadn't shown up to visit me. He must've been more upset than I'd thought about our little conversation in the hospital room. Talking always seemed to get me into trouble.

I wasn't sure what to think. I was just glad to be going home. I hadn't gathered the nerve to ask Sandy if Seth was upset with me, I didn't want to worry him any more.

"We want you to stay inside for a while…"

"Where?" I asked. Hailey was in the guest room and the couch was pretty exposed. I really didn't want to crash on Seth's floor either.

"We haven't figured that out yet," Kirsten admitted.

"The poolhouse is fine, guys…I sort of…I'd like to sleep in my own bed…"

"Last time we let you sleep in the poolhouse, you ended up drinking at the beach," Sandy said.

"Come on, guys…" I pleaded. I'd really been looking forward to that bed.

"You're still grounded…"

"I couldn't go anywhere if I wanted to," I replied honestly. I was exhausted. I wasn't sleepy, but my energy level was nonexistent.

"I told you we needed a plan," Sandy muttered.

"Well, if you didn't teach him how to negotiate like a lawyer," Kirsten teased. I closed my eyes and let their cute bickering lull me to sleep.

When we arrived at the house, I expected to see Seth but the house was empty. It was oddly silent.

"Can I go lie down?" I asked as we stood in the kitchen.

"I'll walk you to the poolhouse." Sandy walked with me outside. We walked in silence but he kept his hand on my shoulder as if he thought I'd fall over. I might.

"Thanks, Sandy…"

"None of that. Get some rest. We'll be back to check on you," Sandy smiled as I sat down. I watched him walk away.

I was alive. I had Sandy and Kirsten. But no Seth. And Seth was the only reason I had for being here.

* * *

"He looks dead," Summer's voice broke into my sleep.

"He's not dead," I heard Luke mutter.

"He looks dead," Summer repeated.

I felt a hand on my forehead. "I think he's okay."

"At least your parents are letting us see him. Kirsten was almost territorial," Anna said.

I opened my eyes. Seth and Summer were sitting on one side of my bed and Luke and Anna were on the other.

"I hope this isn't some kind of kink for you guys," I muttered.

"Hey," Seth grinned. "You live!"

"Barely. What's up?"

"Well, it's been a while since we'd had a Get-Along Gang meeting," Anna smiled.

"Mom and Dad wouldn't let us see you. You were…you were pretty fucked up," Seth admitted.

"I'm really sorry, man," Luke said quietly.

"Not your fault."

"Totally his fault," Summer said with a sympathetic smile. "But he's better now."

"Sandy said Julie came for you but he didn't tell us what happened," Anna said as I sat up.

"She's nuts," I replied.

"No argument."

"She didn't hurt you, did she? Like, what happened?"

"She wanted me to take her to Luke. Sandy told her that Luke was out of town and she flipped…the cops knocked her down and got the gun away from her…"

"Where the hell did she get a gun from? I mean, she just got out of jail for shooting you guys!" Anna said.

"Dad was pretty smooth telling her that, though. Luke didn't leave town…" Seth said, thoughtful.

I'm tired but its good to have my friends around me. Talking about the drama of the past few days with them almost makes me feel like this is normal. Like normal kids have psycho older women coming after them with guns. Maybe I really am fitting in here.

"Dude. You okay?" Seth called, thumping me.

"Yeah, man. I'm okay."

"Well, I was thinking that maybe we could take a walk down to the beach. You know, just for kicks," Luke said seriously.

"What?" Anna shoved him. "You can't be serious…"

"You've been hanging out with Summer too long, you hit too hard!" Luke laughed. "I was just joking…"

"What are you all doing here? Seth…" Kirsten walked into the room with a surprised look.

"Uh oh…" Seth muttered.

"Seth, he's tired, he needs his rest, I sent you out here to check on him, not have a party. Kids…" Kirsten started immediately.

"I thought you said we had permission?" Summer hissed at him.

"I had permission…I just extended it to all of you," He replied. Seth was a good brother. He knew that I needed my friends around me.

"Kirsten, it's okay. I'm fine. It's good to see them all…"

"You need your rest," Kirsten said.

"He's resting," Seth replied.

"Please, Kirsten?" Anna smiled.

"Please?" Luke and Summer echoed immediately.

Kirsten's sternness faded instantly. "I'll order dinner for everyone. But…"

"I need my rest. Got it."

"Good," She smiled.

I glanced around me. I had friends and a real family. I think that I might like it here. For the first time, this might be home.


End file.
